This week’s post isn’t a lesson in geometry. But it has everything to do with how, as a mother, I have lived alongside my children in concentric circles. Where till now their priorities took precedence over my own, these days my goals have moved closer to the centre and my sons’ goals have had to swap places with me. But what does that centre even represent? It is the point where we all find a space to occupy, seek to achieve our own goals and achieve a happy equilibrium.
As I’ve been reiterating in the last few weeks and more, I’ve long been in search of my forgotten self. Having lived in the shadows of everyone else’s lives, it is finally my time to step into the light and let others dim their own demands. Alhamdulillah, that process has already started only because I’ve made sure that I follow up the promises I made to myself with action. The realisation that nobody else will create opportunities for me is not coming from self-pity. It’s more an acknowledgement that if Allah has given me the means and determination to do things, then what am I waiting for?
Last weekend, my older sons and myself, together with a good friend and her son, escaped to Dublin, Ireland for a few days of respite from routine. The trip was a success from beginning to end not least because we were all good company for one another. Dublin was itself very welcoming and the surrounding suburbs and countryside were places of pure delight – verdant hills, luminous lakes and beautiful beaches all collaborated to play the perfect hosts. And we were not disappointed.
The past year has afforded me wonderful opportunities to travel abroad. But that’s not the only way to measure how I’ve put myself back into the centre of things. Whilst it is important that these opportunities exist, I don’t simply aspire to ephemeral pleasures. All my aspirations and pursuits need to feed into the reminder of why I exist at all. Of course, the ‘fun’ element has to be there otherwise there would be no pleasure in doing things at all. But ‘fun’ isn’t meant in the selfish or flippant sense although there is nothing wrong with that. I like to go one step further and remind myself that the joy of the senses must happen within Islamic parameters and be something from which I learn or improve.
Alongside many postponed travel plans accumulated over the years, I also seek to work in a mainstream role that alleviates the suffering of humanity. Whilst that sounds like a lofty and self-adulatory ambition, I am actually only too aware that I am dispensable and there are many people out there doing amazing things already. However, I want to be part of that machine. I know that I came to this world not only to serve my own best interests.
So, whilst I move towards the centre of the concentric circles that comprises my own life and my sons, an overlapping circle exists where I aim to work towards the betterment of humanity and within which I now move and want to focus my energies. Alhamdulillah, that journey has already begun and I hope it is an ambition that supercedes all others.
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