Over the last few years, there has been a lot of activity in our household in terms of who has been moving in and out. My sons are now all young adults and university has been the preoccupation for them in recent years. I’ve got four sons who are all at different phases of the university experience. Two have exited, one is almost done and my youngest has just started. It was always inevitable that, as their mother, I’d be helping them settle in their new lives and accommodation and then resettle them back home.
Now, we are in a situation where the older two have returned and the young two are away.
Yesterday, I went to see my youngest son in his new place and who now has an easier commute to university. I am happy for him because it’s something he always wanted to experience – an independent lifestyle – the opportunity to prove to himself that he can take care of all aspects of his life. Time will tell. Maybe because I’m now accustomed to this tradition in our household, I didn’t feel overwhelmed when he left a couple of days ago. I’ve been through the process already – of seeing off my older sons so that. by now, I don’t feel perturbed any more. Of course, as a mother, I will always be concerned about all aspects of their safety but keeping them within my reach is no guarantee of anything. I have to let go.
In many ways, as strange as this may seem, I’m at a stage of my own life where my sons have to let go of me. What do I mean by that? Basically, they now know that my priorities are not always necessarily them. I have gradually learnt to put myself first even if it means they have had to do without my input in something. If they want to claim their stake to adulthood, then it can’t be a selective decision. They will need to learn to not being propped up by mother all the time. So, leaving home is simply a way of fast-tracking that process.
I have watched my sons grow up in recent years, evolving from boys to men. It has been exhausting but rewarding. I need to retire from several of my motherly duties. Now they can at least take care of practical chores which directly concern themselves. Although I have had to do tough love sometimes, I always believed it would pay off. It would have done no favours to anyone to have mollycoddled them and nurtured laziness and selfishness. I like to think I have done some things right. They are far from perfect but then so am I. We are all works in progress.
Right now, I have surrendered my sons to Allah’s plan in terms of what He wants for them in every sphere of their lives. To a large extent, I have no control any more. It’s as almost I have watched these saplings grow into strong steady trees who now tower over me. I don’t mind for that. It’s sometimes comforting to feel like the one being protected rather than being the protector. Role reversal. I need the break. I am tired.
Alhamdulillah, to have gotten this far in their lives and my own. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
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