There come times in life when we all feel overwhelmed with a situation be it money, health, family or work etc. Like most people, I have had my fair share of such worries. At different points, one issue has dominated over others and yet they have all come to pass and abated, Alhamdulillah. But like most people too, I do succumb to worry even though I am aware that nothing is insurmountable without Allah’s help.
I say this and yet I am a contradiction within myself. Whilst I know Allah is always there to call upon, I still worry about things. At the moment, financial stress is at the forefront of my mind even though I have managed so long on my own and believe that, as long as I have my health, I will continue to do so, insha’Allah. That being said, sometimes things do come to a head and I feel I am being submerged under water and sinking fast. I know things aren’t that dire in reality but it’s a feeling I can’t easily shrug off.
Maybe my worry comes from being a somewhat careful planner; I have always planned long-term for things and try to factor in expected unexpectancies. The formula has served me well. It has kept me prepared and afloat thus far. Then there is the determination not to be complacent about life and think I can totally rely on anyone else to step in and take the helm. Whilst I will not stubbornly refuse help from those nearest to me, I don’t want to become dependent on that resource.
Relying on oneself imbues a feeling of self-respect and independence. Whilst there’s no shame in asking for help when needed, I have never been comfortable making that my default stance. I know my sons will not shirk their duty to me, as their mother, in terms of trying to reciprocate what I have done for them all their lives. However, although I would gladly accept their help in whatever ways they can, they also know I will do my best not to impinge on their own future plans.
I guess I am just vocalising my thoughts today as a release mechanism. Insha’Allah, I will be emerging from the bottleneck soon and will be able to exhale and inhale as normal soon.
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