There are times in life, when we plod along with the routine of things but, simultaneously, question the impact we are making with those actions. I am sure many people are familiar with that feeling.
In my role as private tutor for children preparing to enter the grammar school system in the UK, I act as mentor, teacher and sometimes even mother. There are so many layers to the personality I present when sat face-to-face with my students. Given they come with their own unique characters as well, I have learnt to adapt my teaching style to suit the individual needs of each of them. Doing this week after week, month after month – being the one who always tries to keep them propped up – can be quite draining on me. After all, sometimes it feels like a performance I have to deliver to get the best out of them! Towards the end of each academic year, I often feel exhausted having worn so many hats through the months leading up to the actual exam.
And then the kids go away, do their exams and a few weeks later I wait with baited breath for their results. In that time, I begin to doubt myself. I question whether I had given them all the correct tools to do well. “Did I go through all the topics thoroughly? Were there any issues I had not addressed well? Should they have done more preparation beforehand?” The list goes on…
Again, this year was no exception. However, Alhamdulillah, last week on results’ day, I received good news from all the parents, one by one. It was a truly self-gratifying moment and I could finally exhale with relief. Each student had done me proud not to mention themselves. To be honest, I can confidently say that I have a very good estimation of each student’s performance and my predictions are usually quite accurate. In fact, the one child this year I didn’t expect to make it through, despite my attempts, finally did pass which was a positive surprise. It is times like these, that I feel re-energised to go through the rounds once again and push forward with the next batch of children I have on my list.
Parents do express their gratitude for my guidance and input and although I know I try to go beyond what is expected of me, I do so because of a conscience that connects me to my Muslim identity – I am responsible for the children who I teach and want to imbue in them a thirst for knowledge and a self-confidence to seek their true potential. It was something I never was given myself as a child and I recall the frustration I felt. Although I am not bitter about it, I don’t wish to see opportunities wasted where they could be had for others.
With Allah’s help, I hope to continue to positively impact the lives of people I encounter in my daily interactions. Whether it be saying ‘hello‘ to that elderly neighbour who has not communicated with anyone for days, or helping someone believe in themselves in terms of their education, I know there is a higher purpose to living. I don’t need to be rich and/or famous to be able to do any of these things. All it takes is an altruistic mindset that believes in ‘enabling’ rather than ‘disabling’. It is also not about accolades from people although these are not unwelcome. Ultimately, the vote of confidence I always hope to achieve is with Allah.
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