Marriage Wows

…at least it does for some.

A friend of mine recently asked if I was cynical about marriage given my own didn’t last its course.  I had to think for a moment.  Was I?  Do I look upon the idea of marriage as something not worth pursuing?  Do all marriages come apart at the seams in the end?  Are all married couples secretly unhappy? 

When I reflected for a while longer, I realised that I am not cynical about marriage completely.  After all, I hold a lot of hope for my own sons.  I pray I live to see them embark upon this new phase of their lives and embrace their own rights and responsibilities and help their spouses acknowledge those that belong to them.  I know there are still many successful examples of marriages out there. It would be extremely unfair to paint every marriage with the same brush.

What I do have strong reservations about is a second attempt at marriage for myself.  There are many reasons for that but a lot of them have to do with not having the will or energy to go through the palaver all over again.  Right now, at this time in my life, I am just beginning to enjoy a new freedom. I have found a niche which allows me to make choices for me and me only.  Perhaps I have become a little selfish but isn’t it about time?  Having given the best years of my life to my former spouse and my children, I now exert my right to put myself first for a change.  And even then, I wonder how often I do put myself first!

So, to think of a second shot at marriage doesn’t carry any excitement for me.  There is a time and place for everything.  The ‘everything’ which I am now in search of does not involve a partner’s input.  They would just get in the way.  I have just learnt how to take control back of my life and I refuse to let anyone try to steal that control away again. Also, for the things I couldn’t do when I was younger due to other commitments etc., I seek to conquer some of them with whatever time I have left.  They are very modest things but important nevertheless. 

So it is with these jumbled thoughts that I attended a wedding this weekend.  I am extremely happy for the new couple and wish them the very best for their future.  As first timers in the realm of marriage, I know they must be excited about starting a new life together and inshaAllah eventually welcoming children in years to come.  I can’t deny that is a wonderful phase of life to be in. Some of us have been there.  I was there once upon a time myself.

Now I want to be somewhere else.