Whilst immersing myself in the spirit of Ramadan, I decided to take a break from my blog. Though many thoughts came to my mind in that blessed month, which I wanted to make a note of, I decided to focus on working on ways to capitalise on the finite time endowed to me to earn reward in preparation for my journey into the next realm.
Today, I return to my blog to write retrospectively about what I garnered in Ramadan. Like all the Ramadans before, I felt nervous upon entering this month, wondering if I could sustain a better version of myself throughout. But Alhamdulillah, the nervousness dissipated and in its place emerged a growing confidence that I could surpass my own limited expectations of myself. That confidence was rooted in the knowledge that this month is like no other; that Allah promises to shower us with even more reward and His mercy. It’s an opportunity not to be missed. The sakinah (peace/tranquility) that descends in this month is very real.
Whilst moving through Ramadan, both in terms of time and spiritual development, I repeatedly told myself that this year I will endeavour to hold onto some good habits that I developed in the last few weeks. Be it reading Quran more regularly, however little or much, I want to maintain a better connection with Allah’s words than I have done so before. In fact, I was quite amazed at how I still learnt new things when reading it this time – things I had never noticed before. This is the unique wonderment of the Quran. No matter how many times a person reads it, there will always be something new to extrapolate or understand.
Overall, I have vowed to try to develop a more conscious connection between the most mundane things I do in life and their relationship with my spiritual being. For example, I have already started to try to memorise some new adkhar (supplications) which I can incorporate throughout the day to allow my soul to be in constant – or at least regular – reminder of Allah’s blessings upon me.
These are things which I have endeavoured to pursue in previous years during and after Ramadan and Alhamdulillah, I’d like to think it has been a journey that I have not only just embarked upon. The difference I feel this year though is that I have been constantly reminded of the privileges I have been given when I see the appalling tragedies being inflicted in Palestine and how resilient the Muslims have been there. Closer to home, I have come to learn of several acquaintances who have all been suffering from terminal illnesses. These things combined have impacted me deeply. I have been thinking of my own mortality even more than usual. Not in a destructive sense but rather the opposite. Questions that come to my mind are: “How can I be more productive with my time? What can I do to improve myself? What are some realistic targets I can set myself?” So, sometimes adverse situations give rise to amazingly positive outcomes.
My desire to better myself is a constant goal but emerging from Ramadan is the catalyst I needed. I realise it’s early days and only time will tell how successful I am in my quest to be a better person – to permanently move up a few notches in terms of piety and God-consciousness. Insha’Allah, my niyyah remains firm and focussed and is helped with an every-increasing tenuous relationship to this world and all it contains.
In terms of my vision, I have been a long-sighted person since I can remember. Now I wonder if there was always another dimension to that long-sightedness that is only just becoming apparent in my later life; I am looking beyond this life and hoping I am making the best preparations for what lies ahead.
mymotherhalf.com 