Those who know me well and/or have been following my blog recently, would have come to realise that in the last few months I have been on a journey of sorts, especially one of self-discovery. It would seem I have fallen in love with life again. But that isn’t actually true. I have always been in love with life, Alhamdulillah. Even through the personal struggles, I have pulled through not least because of others depending on me but because I needed to for my own sake.
And so, with this disposition I have muddled my way through the last few years, ultimately always grateful for everything Allah has put in my path – the good, the bad and the ugly. All of those combined have shaped the person I am today and whilst that might sound like I am suffering from delusions of grandeur, I’d like to think that’s far from the truth. I have used the difficult experiences to reflect on the purpose of my being here at all. I understand that life was never meant to be a bed of roses. And I know that I do have some control over how I interpret events and build myself from them.
Through it all, I have met a very interesting person who I know understands me and will never let me down. They are the only one I can count on to serve as my counsel when I need advice. Although I didn’t know it, they were there all along going through my highs and lows in life. That person is Me. I have rediscovered myself. For so many years, I had lost a huge part of me whilst taking care of everyone else’s needs first. Isn’t that the story of most mothers and wives? We live on autopilot and acquiesce to the demands of others first.
However, now, having put my children through the major milestones of their lives and having rebuilt my life after my ex-husband decided to jump ship, I have rediscovered myself. I am experiencing an inebriated state of liberation and am loving it! I last felt like this when I was in my 20s. It is not a state of hedonism. It’s just a feeling of being justifiably selfish and prioritising myself once again.
Although I would be well within my rights to remarry, I am enjoying this freedom too much to want to be restricted. Finally, I am unfettered. So why would I want to ruin that? My life is now a solo expedition and I don’t say that with regret or a sense of self-pity. My future has arrived and I have embraced it with open arms. It doesn’t matter how long I have left in this duniya (world) but moreso how I use that time. Life isn’t one big holiday and so I hope the activities I get involved in representing myself, big or small, will always be an investment towards the greatest challenge ahead of me of all beyond this life.
mymotherhalf.com 
Assalaamu Alaiykum sister, it’s me Israt again. SubhanAllaah this post brought tears to my eyes. It’s not often people are strong enough to admit they have found themselves and be content to share it with others. I pray Allaah fulfils you in this world and the Hereafter Aameen
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WS Israt, I am so humbled by your kind words. I have to apologise for my typos (I often have to go back and fix sentences after I’ve published my blogs). But it does take strength to put some thought out there in the public domain and yet I do it because I hope I inspire other women to find the courage to be true to whatever they may be going through. It’s so easy to dismiss or deny our feelings any yet I myself know the sense of relief almost when I discover I’m not the only one going through these emotions etc. I just hope my ramblings give hope to others. Jazak Allahu Khairun for your lovely duas.
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