It’s been just over a year now since I took that leap of faith and plunged into the world of blogging. As seems to be the tradition of many bloggers, this is an appropriate point to look back and reflect. As a reminder to myself, I just read my very first blog post to see how much I have remained truthful to my intentions or if I strayed from the original purpose. So far, I feel I am still on course.
I know I have sometimes/
often been repetitive in my posts. The same thoughts and ideas have come through in different ways. However, given this was always going to be a cathartic exercise, like a self-awareness course, I make no apology for sounding like a broken record. I have needed to exorcise the negative emotions out of me and go through a process of self-cleansing. Through it all, I’ve also gradually come to the realisation that I am on the mend, that this ongoing writing exercise has helped me in many ways…
It isn’t just that I have forced myself to come face-to-face with my own inner demons or the horrible upheaval I went through several years ago. I have also actually realised how much I miss writing itself! For someone who used to keep a travel journal on her travels (with small kids), I relish the opportunity to record experiences I have had in life just so others can benefit and share in them too. As a student, I recall always having my nose buried in a book on an overcrowded train. I breathed books and inhaled words. I read at almost any given opportunity, lost in a parallel undisturbed existence. I have read sentences which are analogous to a mellifluous voice floating in the warm spring air in the silent countryside. Put together beautifully, words are alluring.
I don’t pretend to be of such a high calibre in my own writing but I have found inspiration at least. Thanks to my recent experiences in life I feel I have a lot to say. At least now I have found a creative way of channelling my frustrations and grievances; I am not fruitlessly pummelling walls instead. That would be a pitiable expression of my feelings. Alhamdulillah, I feel I have taken a ‘bad’ situation in my life (namely, divorce) and turned it into something good. I can even confidently say that divorce wasn’t a bad thing. One door closed but so many others opened up for me. Hindsight is such a wonderful thing.
Initially, setting myself a goal of writing a blog once a week was something I thought may have been a tall order. However, I knew I had to push myself and keep the momentum going. After all, it was more for myself than a public audience. Now, each time I offload my thoughts, I feel I have just exited a therapy session except I am both the counsellor and patient. Talking to myself, seeing my own thoughts staring back at me on the screen, is an honest acknowledgement of what I am feeling at that time. Better still, reading these posts in retrospect is a way of assessing how much progress I have made over time. And I do believe there has been progress, Alhamdulillah.
Perhaps even more gratifying is the occasional reply I have received from others who have honoured me by following my blog and privately responded saying how relatable some of my experiences have been. That has been a bonus for sure.
Above all – and this cannot be understated – I have come to understand my relationship with Allah better. In a convoluted but certain way, I have discovered my true purpose in this life and how all roads, straight or meandering, lead back to Him, Alhamdulillah.