Motherhood: Part 3

As my youngest son prepares to sit his final exams at school next week, I prepare to enter a new phase of motherhood. No more parent meetings, no more emails from school, no more direct involvement in his education. It is a watershed moment in my life. I welcome it with open arms.

The question is: “Why is this Motherhood Part 3?”

The answer is that Part 1 was the early or formative years of my children’s lives when they were growing up and when their father was still around. I view Part 2 as the last seven years where I have had to manage my children alone and guide them through their individual educational journeys, not to mention their teenage hormones.

This latest phase is completely different.

It marks the point where I have to relinquish aspects of micro-managing as a parent/mother and I’m aware that that term, ‘micro-managing’ has many negative connotations. But most parents will agree that it’s something necesssary when the kids are growing up. Today though, my sons have a much greater degree of autonomy. In particular, as they step outside of home, they will be treated as fully-fledged adults; I will take more of a back seat when it comes to their interactions with the wider world.

Though motherhood will never cease for me, it has now evolved into something different. Whereas before, they had to accept certain decisions I had made on their behalf, now things are up for negotiation. I find myself often sitting and listening to their justifications for a decision they have made or are considering. To be honest, I have never been closed to those kind of discussions. It allows me a valuable insight into their mindset and the criteria they use to inform their choices. As I always tell them, as long as it is in keeping with Islam, I will probably concede to their demands. I’m also governed by the knowledge that I can’t stifle their options for my own selfish gains. If I can’t present a reason rooted in Islam, to object to their choices, then I have no case to make.

What we have now in our home isn’t a chaotic mess. Instead, I believe there is a mutual respect of the other person’s thoughts, ideals or ambitions. Even where we may agree to disagree, I’ve had to learn to let these young men figure out life for themselves. Should they end up tripping over obstacles, then so be it. A life without mistakes is the idealism of a fool. My job is to be here to console or redirect if necessary.

Ageing is a process that many people fear, especially the physical manifestations of that process. Whilst that’s one battle that is now on my hands, I actually relish being an older person for other reasons. I feel the longest haul of motherhood is almost done. Now I can focus on things which are for my benefit only and not feel guilty about it. I also feel life has definitely forced me to be able to discern more from a situation than is immediately apparent. Then, I am also looking forward to watching my sons mature into adult men who will reciprocate the years of nurturing I have invested in them, inshaAllah.

I will not be a back seat driver. I will simply take the back seat and enjoy…