Yesterday was my birthday.
Unlike many people, especially the young generation, who would like to mark the day with parties and presents, I chose to keep it much more subdued. Instead, my sons and I had a day out in central London walking through different parks and then enjoyed a lovely Lebanese meal in one of the many eateries there. It was not a day of pomp and grandeur. It was more a day of taking stock and being content with what I already have and making time to focus on that more.
At this stage of my life, birthdays have become more of a reason to reflect on the life that has passed already. It’s a legitimate excuse to celebrate all that I have been blessed with till now and inshaAllah, beyond. I am still in relatively good health, have a roof over my head and can still afford little luxuries in life. My sons are also alive and well and by my side. Alhamdulillah for all of that and so much more. Looking around and I know of many other people of a similar age who are suffering immensely with a myriad of issues – health, money, jobs, children or marriage. That’s to name but a few.
Someone looking at me might argue that my life is far from ideal. Who’s isn’t? I have been running the show singlehandedly for almost seven years now. That’s an unenviable position to be in. But I still consider myself very fortunate because I have not allowed happpiness or contentment to elude me. I am much more focused on the silver lining than the cloud itself. In fact, the cloud has long since dispersed. Even when others try to cajole me to accept my status in life only as a divorcee, I refuse to be drawn into that narrow alleyway from which there is no escape. Too much good has happened since that time and despite it so much so that I can talk about it without feeling emotional. It’s almost as if I’m narrating the story of someone else’s life.
At the risk of sounding morbid, in recent years, as I celebrate another complete year of life, I wonder if I will be alive for the next one. But I am, in fact, stating a stark truism and that thought is not embedded in regret. Inevitably, there will come a time, sooner or later, when the answer will be ‘no’. That’s why I tell myself that I mustn’t celebrate a birthday alone. I am actually grateful for each and every day that is given to me as a gift from Allah. To lose a day in aimless frivolity or worse still, in a depressed state, is an absolute tragedy. My default setting will not allow that to happen. Alhamdulillah, so far, I’ve had no reason for that to happen. The aftermath of divorce is something I would like to believe I bounced back from with dignity and a sense of self-worth. Nobody owns my life except Allah and with this second opportunity to be single again, I relish the new lease of life I have been given.
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