I don’t own my own house. For that reason, I have no real incentive to invest too heavily in it. I am particular about keeping it presentable, clean and tidy but my interest in doing anything more than that is minimal. At this stage of my life too, I no longer derive any real pleasure in designing a room or thinking about the finishing touches to make it look nicer. I enjoyed all that when I had more energy and especially when my kids were younger and we had a normal family life back then.
Now that they are all grown and will soon be looking to embark on their own adventures, our home feels like it’s becoming more of a temporary stop-gap for them and even myself. Once my sons have found jobs and settled somewhere else, my own links to this current abode will become even more tenuous. I know that is the nature of this duniya (world) anyway – never to become too invested in anything or anyone.
As days go by, I fear less and less the idea of letting go. Life has taught me that lesson too well. Everything and everyone we have is on loan anyway. Even our kids. Given that impermanence, I feel I am ready to pack up and move on wherever life takes me.
Some people dismiss my ideas suggesting they are just fanciful ones. However, they forget I have actually lived away from the UK for many years and in quite challenging places. So, the idea of moving again, and this time on my terms, is not something so outlandish. I would relish the opportunity to try and live in a completely new place and preferrably, somewhere abroad where I can immerse myself in a new culture and environment. What’s the point of moving to a place where I would be just pressing, “Play, Repeat”?
In an ideal world, the place I envisage setting up home again would be where I could roll up my sleeves and help others less fortunate and make a living out of it too. That’s because I know I can’t live on air and nice pleasantries alone. I don’t wish to live in poverty as that would be a stupid thing to wish for myself. What I do covet is to be comfortable enough not to worry from year to year about sustaining myself financially. Whilst I have been spared that insecurity for the most part of my life, Alhamdulillah, I feel that being financially secure can’t be the only goal in life either. There’s a danger of becoming spiritually numb.
I try to the best of my abilities to make every task I do, whether at work or at home, tie back to the higher purpose that I have been designated with in this life which is to worship Allah. I must admit, there are times that link is difficult to keep at the core of my consciousness and I muddle along in life forgetting it is more than a continuum of perfunctory tasks to do. This isn’t the kind of life I wish to have descended to and I know my critics would tell me that the panacea to my problems isn’t necessarily to move away. Allah is to be found everywhere and anywhere. True. But I am feel I am ready for a new mission. Something which I can see become a reality.
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