It is a fact that with age comes all the physical and visible signs of maturity. There’s no escaping them even with the subscriptions to the best vitamin supplements and the best names in make-up. It’s a process which is master over us and is a losing battle.
That being said, it’s not all doom and gloom. Ageing can be done gracefully and gratefully – something which I hope to grow more conscious of over time. Whilst on the exterior, there is no denying that I am no longer in my 20s or even 30s, I try not to let the emerging wrinkles, which will claim their permanent position on my face, take over my life. I want to embrace older age. I want to have that zest for life still. I want to celebrate my longevity.
The problem which I believe many of us women, in particular, have with ageing is that we are sold the lie that to be accepted or worthwhile, we must ‘look good’. There is too much focus on the outside, especially the face and, of course, the body. After all, this is the first point of reference for others. Society makes us feel less worthy if we do not constantly look for ways to reinvent ourselves to remain interesting. After all, this is arguably one of the reasons why so many men replace the older woman/wife in exchange for a fresher model.
Having had this silent rhetoric rammed down our throats our whole lives, there’s no surprise that the beauty industry has harnessed this vulnerability and caters so rigorously to essentially counter the betrayal felt by older women from society. Although I do like to dabble in make-up to help me look my best, I do this not because I have nothing else to be judged by. I would always want encounters with others to shift from their cursory focus on the outside to what lies underneath. I will not be duped by the covert marketing tactics of an insidious beauty industry that makes women constantly feel inadequate. There’s a hidden message in there somewhere which says, ‘your self-worth can only be measured by your outward appearance; that is the first thing to fix before we can look elsewhere.’
Although there is nothing inherently wrong in wanting to look nice superficially, it seems we live in a world where there is an obsessive and unhealthy desire to impress on that front. Just looking at the array of beauty products available now is testimony to that. I don’t recall growing up with so many different products for the face, most of which I wouldn’t even want to try! The attention has moved away from what’s on the inside and that’s a sad reflection of the state of society right now.
This is where I seek to make a conscious effort to demand to be acknowledged for the qualities within. The looks will fade and indeed they have already started to. Not that I have ever considered myself anything special (far from it). But I do know I have always wanted to stimulate my mind and likewise, I find an intellectual and adventurous mind alluring. Meeting people with whom I can hold interesting conversations gives me an energy which is incomparable to just looking at a pretty face. I love to engage with people who are pursuing new goals for themselves, who have a zest for life no matter what obstacles are in their way. That zest is accompanied with a deep gratitude for every minute they have been blessed with. They wouldn’t know what ‘killing time’ means for that pastime in and of itself, is a tragic state to be in. How bored or unambitious must a person be to simply want to ‘kill time’ as if it is something they have been given too much of and need to curtail? It’s a very odd expression.
The absolute antidote to ageing, in my opinion, is to seek new goals which stretch my abilities and to busy myself in them. It gives my life a sense of purpose. Inherent within that, is a sense of gratitude – gratitude for having the drive to want to forge ahead and seek new challenges and acccomplish more than I have already. In doing all this, I have found that this is driven by a need to nurture the soul and so the cycle continues. It’s a win-win situation. When the passion for life is driven by the need to work hard and to accumulate points in the balance of my good deeds, this will inevitably become incongruent with pursuing a shallow and baseless existence.
This disposition feeds into a happy state of mind and that happiness exudes in the way I interact with society. I can testify to that. In a recent blog, I mentioned that I will no longer be a slave to money worries -and I intend to keep my promise, inshaAllah. I want to see the duniya (world) for what it is – a mere stepping stone on the journey to the other side. Whilst I don’t reject partaking in some of the indulgences which I am permitted as a Muslim, I also want to continue trying my best to stay focussed on the real reason why I am even here in the first place.
In essence, I feel I have reached the pinnacle of my existence in terms of my health, happiness and state of my heart, Alhamdulillah. As I grow older and however long I have left, it is inevitable that I might succumb to more serious health concerns alongside other worries. My heart might waver as I struggle with my tests. That’s part and parcel of life. But right now, I don’t think life has ever been this good. That’s because I have a sense of peace within. I have accepted my lot, not in a way that I have begrudgingly given up but rather, knowing that Allah is – and always has been – in control and that He knows what is best for me.
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