As my own sons enter the next phase of their lives, I feel I am doing the same. Yet, whereas their next steps involve new academic journeys, mine obviously is not of that nature. To be honest, I haven’t actually officially embarked on any new venture but, in my mind, I feel it’s time to try something different.
For all the years I’ve put a major part of my own life on hold, watching and waiting for my kids to grow up and become independent, I now feel the time is ripe for me to do something just for me. Yes. Me and nobody else. I plan to start with necessary things like taking better care of my health. At the other end of the scale, if I am fortunate enough inshaAllah, I want to find myself standing on another corner of the world and exploring a new place on my own. I want to enjoy my own company – single and in silence with uninterrupted thoughts. Gosh, that sounds shamelessly narcissistic.
However, for many, we often lose ourselves in the company of others and find that we unwittingly allow ourselves to be led in whichever direction the crowd takes us. Not a negative thing necessarily. But for a change, I want to make a decision by myself, for myself and with myself. I am going to lap the situation up. So many women complain of not ‘having time out’, being overwhelmed with family life, the demands of husband and home etc. So, now that Allah has given me the opportunity to do something on my own, inshaAllah I will take it. I don’t want pity. This is not a sour grapes attitude. Rather, I simply want to make the best of the situation I am in.
I already have been so fortunate to have had some memorabe and cherished experiences in the last few years. I have to pinch myself to remind myself that they even came to pass. My recent climb up Mount Snowdon was, quite literally, the pinnacle of those achievements. But it’s not about going higher now. It’s just about keeping going. I have been awakened to the realisation that I am still surrounded by beauty in its many forms and my zest for life has been reinvigorated. I contemplate my personal situation often. Sometimes those thoughts occur as a fleeting moment in a day; other times it can be longer periods of deep reflection of how I came to be in this ‘here and now’. Alhamdulillah, I can never separate the knowledge that this is all the brilliant mastery of my Creator. When He says he is closer to us than our own jugular vein, I get it now. Like how a parent teaches their young child to ride that first bike and watches them fall over and over and when eventually the stabilisers come off, and they witness their child racing through on their own, so I liken Allah’s guidance and support towards me. Whether we acknowledge it or not, Allah’s divine intervention and control is an indisuptable fact. He sees our initial scrapes and scars but He knows how to help and heal. All at the same time.
We always think the grass is greener on the other side. From where I am standing, Alhamdulillah, I have already got plenty to be content with. For me, this is the other side.