Two in One

Sometimes, we have those days where things just seem to be a series of strange coincidences or perhaps the working of fate.

This week, (on Thursday to be precise), I had two encounters in one day with people who reminded me of my past life. The first of the two was a brief conversation with my previous manager from work; someone I had not seen in over 25 years. I was well aware that I would see him and get a chance to talk as I was attending a conference where he was a key player in its organisation. It was just so strange to be standing in front of someone after so many years and thinking of all the things I have done in between! And here we were, almost full circle, brought together again because both of us, in our own very different professional journeys, have remained in the charity sector. It was a poignant moment for me as the last 25 years or so of my life flashed before me in my mind…

Then, there was the second encounter of a very different kind: it was not expected at all and with two women who I had never met before yet they transported me back to a period of my life which is now done and dusted. Having left the conference, I was making my way back home and boarded a train. Passing through the carriage, I noticed two women sitting and talking together quite animatedly. What struck me though was that they were in distinct traditional clothes which I recognised and speaking a version of Arabic I know too well. I sat a short distance from them. However, as fate would have it, the train was delayed and passengers were advised to disembark and board the opposite train on the next platform. This time, I sat next to them and a conversation started. As suspected, they were Mauritanian – a mother and daughter duo.

Talking to them and exchanging basic information about each other’s background, I realised how this moment was totally surreal. Though these women I do not know, they represented a connection to my past – when I was married and part of that culture. I spoke to them about my links to Mauritania in the present tense as I will always have some ties to that land through my own children. However, for me personally, my association with anything Mauritanian is well in the past. As much as I have a fondness of some aspects of the land and its people, there is also a significant part of me which is glad to have severed my own direct links to them. I no longer have to deal with the in-laws and am not obliged to appease them any more.

As with all cultures and traditions, there are the less savoury aspects which we would reject in a heartbeat. Mauritanian society is no exception. Sitting opposite these two women abruptly reminded me of what I loved about that place and of what I absolutely despised. All those memories of my married life came flooding back to my mind. But I could say the same of my own cultural heritage. I know I have rejected aspects of it outright and held onto some of the features which fit well with my Muslim identity. I guess we all create our own nuanced version of ‘culture’ and make it fit our personal preferences and individual circumstances.

In summary, the day was a very poignant one because of these two very different meetings from two different chapters of my life. All a bit surreal to be honest. My past coming back to collide with my present when I thought I had sealed parts of it away and lifted the anchor and let the boat sail out to sea…

Apparently not.