If there’s anything which I find unattractive in a person, is when they make a promise which they have no real intention of honouring or have not thought through carefully before opening their mouth. One of my mottos in life is to never make a promise I know is very unlikely to be fulfilled.
I prefer to make secret promises to myself more. That way, I have to hold myself accountable and only to me. In recent years, I have told myself to try and reach for goals which may be slightly beyond my reach right now but which I have a realistic chance of making a success of in future.
With that in mind, I resolved that this year would start off with a short holiday with my sons. It’s something we haven’t done together – all of us – since our return from Saudi Arabia in 2016. Alhamdulillah, I fulfilled that wish and have just returned from a break in Malaga, Spain. What we achieved in three days was phenomenal! I feel I was away from home for three weeks! The places we saw, flavours we tasted, experiences we internalised… these are memories which are quite literally priceless!
During that trip, I reflected on the magnamity of Allah Himself. Not only did He make it possible for my dream to come true but within that, I had always had a desire to visit a particular place in Spain with my sons: Caminito del rey. I’d first heard of this place when I was teaching English in Saudi Arabia and it formed a reading comprehension exercise for my students. I was fascinated with it ever since and vowed that one day I would like to see it myself. SubhanAllah, what I didn’t know was that Allah had listened to my prayers all those years ago and helped me realise my dream! And then actually being there (just yesterday in fact), I marvelled at what Allah has created in the natural world. How can anyone deny He exists? All around is the proof of His mastery.
Coming back to my present life, I am determined to create happy montages in the visual recollections of what remains of it. Whilst my health is relatively good, I vow to use it to the best of my ability, insha’Allah. I am so acutely aware that I am not immortal and that I am sliding down a diminishing curve where so many variables in my life have past their peak already. So, if I don’t grab opportunities, or rather, don’t create them, then it will be a pitiable existence. I don’t want the latter part of my life to end miserably with a list of regrets because of bad decisions – or indecisions – I made now.
I understand that the determination to utilise time wisely is not synonymous with going on holidays as and when I want to. I couldn’t afford that lifestyle anyway. However, creating joyous occasions and setting out on new experiences with my sons, whilst they are still geographically close, is something important to me. Perhaps there’s a part of me that wants to compensate for the times when we should have had holidays that were more attuned with our desires and mindsets rather than simply appeasing the patriarchal figure. I know for sure that our Malaga holiday surpassed anything else we have ever done together. That’s because my sons are all adults now, we all understand one another and can accommodate one another’s idiosyncracies or passions.
Insha’Allah, as far as holidays go, I hope there will be more opportunities to escape reality like this. Malaga proved to me, in no uncertain terms, that I am living my best life yet. I am not deprived of happiness and adventure because of my divorce. Rather, I have ascended to a new level of each of those things because of it, Alhamdulillah.
mymotherhalf.com 