Whilst many people were tucking into turkey and a roast dinner on Christmas Day, my family and I were busy attending the wedding reception of my cousin – my mother’s brother’s son. It was a beautiful occassion where I managed to meet up again with so many extended family members who I have not seen in years and some not at all!
It’s at times like this I feel I am reminded of my roots. I am suddenly made aware of what my cultural and ethnic heritage is and it gives me a warm sense of belonging. Perhaps not too deep beneath the surface, and right below the Muslim layer of identity, I can find aspects of my being which help me connect easily to others. And that’s very normal: to want to belong to a group of people whether it be in religious, cultural, ethnic, social or even financial terms. I’m aware that some of those attributes are not innate and can be exchanged or lost at any time. A person can always climb up the financial ladder to a higher status and can just as easily slide down. Other attributes however, such as ethnicity, are fixed and cannot be undone. It’s important to embrace the positive aspects of our cultural and ethnic make-up so that we know where we stand in the world.
Going back to the wedding, it was heartwarming to meet so many people who I am related to in some way. Although we may not know much about one another’s lives, it seemed easy to talk to them and catch up or make first introductions. That’s because we all understood the blood connection between us. It’s something that will run through our veins regardless of the effort we make to stay in touch (or not). My only regret is that it’s a shame that there isn’t more of a concerted effort to visit one another and find out what is going on in one another’s lives. I am guilty of that myself. Yet we all understand that the pace of life is so fast these days that it’s difficult to keep up. It’s not uncommon for both men and women to be working and that setup for women especially, leaves them indisposed to do much else.
I do hope that with each successive generation, the desire to reconnect with their heritage and learn about their forefathers, will be a thread that continues through time. But I know it’s naive to think that the link will remain strong. Clearly, it will become more tenuous with each generation. After all, how many of us can go back even 100 years and confidently claim we know the origins of our forefathers from that time? It seems an irony that with all the digital devices at our disposal, the interest to record family histories, for the sake of progeny, is something that is inherently lacking. For me at least, I want my sons to have the exposure to their extended family from their mother’s side. Perhaps moreso because between their father and me, they are the embodiment of two different cultures and ethnicities and for the longest time, their father’s extended family took precedence over mine.
I wonder what the future holds for my own sons when they seek to get married, inshaAllah. It’s very possible they will marry someone from a completely different culture to their own. I have no issue with that as long as they take pride in their own cultural history and embrace all the wonderful things it has to offer. In parallel, they also need to embrace the cultural traditions which their wives will bring and make sure these share equal footing in the marriage so that their children will also feel comfortable and confident in both.
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