I have made promises in recent months, and even years, to not allow myself to be held back by the past. I will not let those dark days cast a shadow over my life now. Alhamdulillah, for the most part, that is exactly what has happened. Things are moving forward and I eagerly anticipate all the milestones, small or large, in my own life or my sons’, as an incentive to live.
One of the many things I have always wanted to do is to make my home more of a home despite not owning the property I live in. That factor in itself has often been a deterrent to do more than the bare minimum to make a place liveable. Yes, I have painted rooms but always hesitated to put more of a personal stamp on the place knowing that I could be asked to leave at any time. The idea of living on edge isn’t a comfortable one, for obvious reasons. But lately, I’ve questioned my own mindset on this score. I’ve told myself to be more in the present and enjoy a modicum of pleasure in my own space. In that vein, I recently rolled up my sleeves and painted walls and changed the ascetics in my living room and kitchen.
The result is not just one that is pleasing to the eye in terms of a fresh look and upgrade. It has also lifted my spirits unequivocally. Seeing a project come into fruition with one’s own labour and investment is truly a wonderful achievement. I feel I have come into the present and started living properly. After all, why shouldn’t I be entitled to a few of life’s pleasures?
With my thoughts still very much locked into the mode that I have even less finite time left in this duniya (world), I have now made it even more of a mission to allow myself this small gratification.
The upgrade of the living room and kitchen in recent days has given me a sense of peace and calm. I am simply pleased to be at home and move between rooms without feeling agitated or uncomfortable. Changing the ascetics of the place has been so crucial to my own mental wellbeing. Having a home which exudes a fresh look and is no longer tired helps me reciprocate that sense of newness and rejuvenation. It has imbued an exhiliration within me – a renewed zest to pursue dreams and make them transform into reality.
Alhamulillah, for having the courage to fight the mental lethargy in me that threatens to thwart any desire to carry on. I can see, time and again, through different goals I have set myself, that that way of living will simply not do.
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