Every so often, I will have a dream which is very poignant and yet, a clear reminder to me that my current situation in life is a true blessing.
Today, I want to speak candidly about such a dream. I saw my previous mother-in-law introducing a new potential wife to my then-husband and suggesting this young woman would be a suitable replacement. I was talking to my ex and asking if he was going to seriously consider the proposal. Clearly, he had already made up his mind that he was and continued to remind me of the things which had caused him to disconnect with me over time, particularly my peccadillos which had amassed over the years. (Unknown to me, he had been making a mental note of them all and waiting for a time use them as a justification for his exit strategy). I saw myself trying to reason with him in a desperate attempt to make him see sense and not to react disproportionately. Of course, that was a waste of time.
The stoicism he displayed was shocking as it was painful. Although it was only a dream, it was an eerie alignment to what I actually experienced in trying to get my ex-husband to reconsider his decision to terminate the marriage. I awoke today feeling an odd sense of regret combined with relief. Yes, it would have been wonderful to have had a husband by my side whilst my sons were growing up and all the decisions that have had to be made as a family, big and small. But, it has also been a liberation to have made choices with impunity. A famous adage says, “faults are thick where love is thin“. I lived that experience towards the end of my marriage when things started unravelling. In retrospect, I see now that that relationship was not worth fighting for. Where only one person is invested in trying to make things good, that is a recipe for disaster. It takes an oar on each side of the boat to propel it forward. Paddling with only one oar will cause the boat to rotate in perpetual circles.
So, going back to today’s dream, I interpreted it as a reminder that, since the end of my marriage, I have been given the gift of a life determined by my own aspirations. I don’t need to seek approval from another human. I am no longer a victim of the vicissitudes of another human who didn’t wish to come to a workable or reasonable agreement on things. I have found my own voice and am no longer afraid to speak up. Nor will I subject myself to the whims of another person.
Sadness is a thing that comes in waves. But Alhamdulillah, I find it is something I can overcome quite quickly by virtue of appreciation of my present situation. In fact, 2025 has arguably been the best year yet! I’ve had so many beautiful experiences too profound to encapsulate into words, Alhamdulillah. All of them and others have made the price of divorce actually worth it.
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