I’ve often spoken about this phase of my life where there’s the realisation that health is catching up with me and I can’t pretend that some things aren’t affecting my daily activities. Although, Alhamdulillah, I’m not incapicitated in any way and am still completely self-reliant, niggling aches and pains surge and recede. I wonder if a time will come when I will have to totally succumb. I’ve often hoped that I leave this world before I become a burden on anyone else or where my physical state affects my mental state too adversely.
With health matters always being a fixture of my mind, I have vowed to try and accomplish things which are on my ‘to do’ list before it’s too late. Most of those things have to do with travelling as it’s the one thing that gives me a sense of liberation and gratitude. I love the freedom of meeting others and getting to know a little bit about their lives and customs. And I also derive plenty of gratitude just from having the chance to meet such people and see the world in which they live and return home feeling completely humbled.
The other night, I was going through photos and video clips from travels with my sons over the past year alone. SubhanAllah, I didn’t realise how much I have actually experienced! I am so grateful for all the things I’ve seen with my own eyes from majestic mountains to serene seas. The feelings that all these things and more have evoked within me are simply too great to be expressed in words. Allah has truly blessed me with this wonderful life since I rose out of the debris of my marriage. Experiences with my sons, extended family and friends at home, and especially abroad, have all been priceless.
I vow to continue to create more of these memories as long as my health, time and finances allow. These experiences give me the greatest pleasure and no material asset could ever replace the pure delight I derive from them. Had I been younger, perhaps I would have coveted more material things but, with age, these desires have given way to more esoteric pursuits.
I don’t lament the life I’ve lead. Far from it. I have been fortunate with it so much more than many other people and for that I remain humbled and in awe of what I have been blessed with, Alhamdulillah. If anything, now is the time to squeeze in whatever more I can before it’s too late. The advantage of being single now is that I am not burdened by another person’s demands or whims. Being selfish is allowed at this time in life having given my own priorities over to others in the past.
I hope that if I continue with this blog for the next year, that that it will be filled with amazing discoveries of the world and of myself. The final curtain has fallen on some aspects of my life but not all. Behind it, there’s still a private space where I quietly strive to keep going and make each day count. This includes my connections with people I care about and enjoying new experiences with them. It may not always be about travelling but it definitely will be about not passing a day in silence without some kind of interaction with the wider world.
