See Yourself for Who You Are

A common theme that runs through all my blog posts. I’ve learnt that nobody is going to take as much care of me as me. So, here goes…!

In fact, I’ve been on the journey of looking out for myself for a few years now. Ever since I learnt the harsh lesson that I couldn’t rely on the one person I trusted to do that for me. How naive was I? But Alhamdulillah, it catapulted me into action and today I believe I am finally in a happy place. Of course, being a mere mortal, I know I could suggest other things I’d like to see happen in my life. However, even without them (and no, remarriage isn’t on the list), I am genuinely content, Alhamdulillah.

It is no exaggeration to state the impact of my divorce. I see how that momentous and lifechanging event was the catalyst for so many unprecendented changes. And in fact, a lot of them – no, an overwhelming number of them – have actually been positive. How else would I have actively sought out a means to earn a living? How else would I have made the time to go to the gym and take care of my physical self? How else would I have made the connection that my physical well-being is directly connected to my mental wellbeing? The list goes on….

I don’t thank my ex-husband for making the decision to divorce. No. Let’s get that clear. He didn’t have any divine inspiration from Allah that this was the right thing to do. He is a mere mortal after all. However, I do thank Allah for bringing me to where I am today. Of this result, I am strangely enough, more accepting. Ultimately, He is in control and we are all at His mercy and I recognise Him as being truly merciful.

I am not one to seek validation from others. At least, not at this late stage of my life. Yet, when I receive recognition of my progress from those closest to me, it is a satisfying reassurance that perhaps I am doing something right. Just yesterday, my son commented on how he noticed that the post-divorce me is a happier unfettered version of the previously married version of me. I agree with him and I am aware that this new version is what reverberates around our home and impacts my sons. My own son is aware that I was not inherently unhappy whilst married since he himself was part of and witness to the many happy times we had together as a family, Alhamdulillah. Yet he (and I) also recognise the new freedom I have been given and harnessed.

I honestly believe my zest for life stems from the realisation that not much of it is left. That sentence is a strange dichotomy since there is a morose sense of morbidity in it as well as a form of passionate positivity. But I am in a race against time now and the things I want to achieve are things I tell myself I can do if I put my mind to them, inshaAllah. Except flying. As much as I wish I could do that, even I have to know my limits!

However, seeing that my positivity has permeated my sons’ lives is enough validation for me. I do believe they all would agree that we have come together even stronger than before, Alhamdulillah. And more than saving my marriage, I would do anything to protect and preserve my relationship with my own children. They are my amanah (trust) and being there for them is such a blessed way to potentially earn reward from Allah. So, independent mothers out there, my message is this:

You may be doing double the work without your husband by your side, but now you have infinitely more potential to earn extra reward from Allah. You have not been denied by Him but honoured to do greater things with your life, inshaAllah.