The Completeness of Being Incomplete

My musings today are another iteration of things I have mentioned on numerous occasions before. Yet, given we have just celebrated Eid ul-Fitr, which marks the end of Ramadan, it seem an appropriate time to share my thoughts again.

Yesterday, my sons and I spent the day with extended family and had a memorable time together. Although some individual members were missing because they couldn’t – or rather didn’t want to – be there, that was not enough to negatively impact our fun and laughter, Alhamdulillah.

Even in the case of my own situation, the father of my sons has long been out of the picture. Yes, he may have contact with them and there is the occasional visit back and forth between countries, but he is very much absent in the frame of our family. Being on the perphery is never going to count. However, whereas I used to lament this loss, I am now much more accepting of it. That’s because I know my life and my sons’ lives have continued largely unabated, Alhamdulillah. True, there are many sociological statistics that speak of the disadvantages that children of one-parent families invariably have to face and try as I might to deny them, I have had to concede the drawbacks that come with trying to raise a family as a lone parent. Even with all the best intentions, innate human limitations can’t always be overcome.

However, I vowed early on to regain control over aspects of my life in order not to let this family come apart at the seams. To be honest, my faith in Allah has been the glue that holds everything together and the more I succeed in doing that, the more I have faith that Allah has bigger plans for me and has been Merciful all along. There is no room for loss. It’s almost as if His message to me is, “You’ve got this.”

This is why I don’t need sad sentiments handed to me regarding my status as a divorcee. I don’t need pity as if there is no recovery from the situation I found myself in over six years ago. I don’t need derision either where the assumption is that a family such as mine would only eventually succumb to waywardness. Over the last six years, we have muddled our way through and found a workable alternative to the traditional family setup and made it work. The reasons for that success belong as much to my sons as it does to my own efforts and, needless to say, none of this would be without Allah’s guidance. It’s because of the new life which has morphed from the old that I say we are complete – for now.

We have worked out our own solutions for any problems we might encounter and don’t rely on the input of their father for practical advice or solutions. These days, he is more a spectator on the occasions where there is a need or desire to share but he is not the one who makes decisions any more – not even a back seat driver.

As a mother and sons, our family is very much complete, Alhamdulillah. We have figured out how to weave through one another’s lives and support and strengthen. We have also learnt when to leave one another alone to allow the individual personality to learn to have confidence in making independent decisions. A lot of mistakes have happened along the way but inshaAllah, I would say none have had irreversible or lifelong negative implications.

Allah knows I was up for this challenge and whilst it hasn’t always been easy, I relish every moment that I have been blessed with a soul that, even in life, feels it has already returned to my Maker.