As I grow older so too do I feel the grip on life is becoming less tenuous. That’s not a morose observation but actually a liberating one.
I’ve come to understand the battles I need to let go of and the result has been that I feel lighter mentally. Concurrent to this is the knowledge that I have crossed a point in my life where I am now closer to death than to life. I am speaking in terms of time. Knowing that the best part of my life is done, I am less perturbed by the action or inaction of others. It’s like water off a duck back.
Looking towards the other side of life doesn’t mean giving up on life altogether. In fact, I am now enjoying the most innocuous of things such as meeting friends for a coffee, going for a walk and days out in London with my sister/s. It doesn’t need for me to go for a cruise around the world, climb Everest or go for a bunjee jump to appreciate the gift of life. Just breathing and being able to do everyday functions is something worth celebrating.
The introspection is real and becomes a subtle form of worship in itself as it can’t happen without shukr (gratitude) towards Allah. I’ve asked myself why I gravitate so often towards this topic in my blogs. Truth be told, there is no escaping it. I am deeply grateful for my life, even with all the bumps and scrapes along the way, because they have taught me to have some grit or resilience.
Whilst on that learning curve, I’ve tried my best not to succumb to either extremes of emotion, be it feeling high or low. I find it doesn’t bode well with my mental wellbeing nor my physical state either. Being a person who has slight hypertension, I have tried not to put myself in situations where I feel overwhelmed and stressed. I have to let the wave of tension pass through me and exit. Allowing it to consume me does no good. That’s why as a precursor to situations like that which normally give rise to extreme stress, I remind myself that things are just not in my control. So I let the moment play out and pass on.
All of this – the way to handle myself in times of crises – has come with age and experience, I have come through by picking my way through the debris of life and emerging at the other end knowing that the nature of this duniya is ephemeral, that has allowed me to remain relatively unscathed in terms of long-term damage.
I love life but know I can’t hold onto it. The best analogy I can think of is to compare life to an ice-cream. It’s enjoyable and wonderful whilst it’s in my hand but I have to accept that not everything will last forever.
As I move through the coming days, weeks and maybe months, I will strive to take from life and keep it at arm’ length. It is the best strategy for success in all its forms.
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