The idea to write about this in today’s blog post was inspired by the fact that I was recently asked a question in a group discussion of divorced Muslim women. “Where would I place myself in terms of happiness post-divorce, on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest score?” Without hesitation, I replied, “8-9”.
The reason for not hitting full marks is because I often feel burdened with financial worries and although all those bottlenecks have been and gone, they also come full circle every month or so. The cycle is on repeat. Constantly.
Alhamdulillah, now that I have some actual financial support from my sons, things have become a little easier. However, I tell myself not to be complacent with the current status quo as life can be volatile and things can be up-ended any time. For this reason, I will always endeavour to be as self-reliant as much as I can and for as long as I can, inshaAllah.
On the other hand, the reason why I confidently claim to score high on that scale is also because I have learnt acceptance of my fate in this life. It’s taken me some time but I am fully cognizant of Allah’s greater plan and His final decision for me. If I trust His wisdom, then I have nothing to fear except fear itself. I have the benefit of hindsight and can now see clearly the things I have gained from being without my ex-husband and not just the things I seemingly lost. The truth is, there can never be just loss with divorce or any situation for that matter. It is more of a replacement of one thing with another even if that replacement is not like for like. So, I may not have moved on and found another person to marry. That was never the plan anyway. However, that is not to say that I have not gained in life since the divorce either.
When I reflect on the array of things I’ve achieved, from large to small, I can only say, “Alhamdulillah” for them all. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. And in all honesty, it’s not even about achievements. It’s more about the time I’ve had to be with my family and friends in a capacity which I have created for myself and grown to cherish over time. I have evolved into a personality which may never have emerged had I not been thrown into the situation I have found myself in for the last few years. In reality, aspects of my personality which perhaps were dormant and never explored, have been caused to come to the surface. I have defined my version of happiness and found my own formula for being in the duniya and aware of the Akhirah (hereafter). Being forced to search for a meaningful existence has helped me look deep within and understand my strengths and weaknesses. It’s been a curious journey of self-discovery.
Despite being at the helm of my ship for the last few years, I have also been deeply grateful for just being. That has been priceless.
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