It might seem like a bleak and pessimistic perspective but the idea of living out the remainder of my life without a marriage partner, is something that doesn’t make me afraid. If anything, I feel a sense of relief and being unfettered from responsibilities of taking care of another person other than those related to me by blood.
I know my ageing mother’s wish is to see me marry again before she departs this world. However, I have explained to her, in no uncertain terms, that that is one wish I have no intention of fulfilling for myself – and therefore, not for her either.
I’ve waited years to reach a point in my life where my boys are now young men and can take care of themselves. If I spend a day outside and away from home, I don’t stress if there is no food cooked for them in the fridge. It is not an oversight on my part. They are very capable of fending for themselves and know they need to take responsibility for themselves. I will not cripple them by pandering to their every whim or need. Self-reliance is a key component towards growing up. There may also well come a day when I am no longer able or even around to cater for their needs. So best they wean themselves off that dependency now.
In fact, there are many times my sons have serviced my needs. This could range from kitchen duties to maintaining my car for me. It’s not that I demand this from the advantage point of being their mother. It might be that in that moment, it was the most convenient arrangment for us all. Whatever the situation, the end result is that learning a degree of selflessness is also a step towards preparation for their own marriage. The incentive for passing responsibilities on here and there is to inculcate an awareness of household duties which inevitably the lion’s share of will fall upon their wives. No feminist or gender-equality despot will ever be able to convince me that this natural order of things will ever change to any significant degree. It’s been the way of the world since time immemorial and is unlikely to change. Nor should it. As long as men appreciate and contribute where possible, then there’s harmony to be found in that too.
Therefore, I hope it’s clear for others to see that I am not the heartless and selfish mother that I may initially appear to represent. There is a very deliberate decision I’ve made when I haven’t always had dinner ready on the table for others or completed other household chores. The message I’m sending out is deeper than what is always apparent. Of course, there have been times I have selfishly not taken on my duties for that day. However, after years of servicing others, I am entitled to miss my targets once in a while. I’m only human. Even in our topsy-turvy days, important lessons have been learned and introspection has been made. So, not a complete loss.
My place will always be mother, insha’Allah. But every mother knows what it feels like to burn the candle at both ends. It’s finally time to slow down. I have earned that right.
mymotherhalf.com 