There comes a point in one’s life when they need to pause and reflect on everything to date. To be honest, there should be many points when that happens. In those moments, we need to examine where we are heading with regards to our future ambitions. Whether these are to do with career moves, marriage prospects, educational goals and more, stopping to question ourselves about where we’re heading is never a bad idea. In fact, it’s often necessary.
So it is that I find myself at a crossroads with my work situation. Although I wouldn’t describe myself as a career woman aiming to climb the employment ladder, I have recently decided to hit the breaks whilst I figure out what my next venture is going to be. For the most part, the jobs I’ve done till now have been ones I’ve fallen into rather than seeking them out by design. Whilst I’ve enjoyed all the positions of employment I’ve occupied over the years, they’ve also been ones which have had to fit in around my young family. As such, I curtailed my opportunities. My young children always came first.
Now that they are all grown and more or less independent, it seems the right time to address the situation again. Interestingly, I notice a strange dichotomy within. On the one hand, I find great pleasure in writing. Words and eloquent language transport me to another dimension like a mellifluous melody floating through the summer breeze. I often get blissfully lost in a sentence or two that exudes eloquence. So it is that I love to lose myself in my own words, writing at home undisturbed in my own thoughts. Not just here in my personal blog, but also more formally, producing articles for publication and writing for others and being paid for it. That is a side hustle still in its fledgling stage but one which I intend to pursue with increasing vigour especially now that I have more time. On the other hand, the greatest ambition I’ve always had is to travel and work on behalf of an international charity. Alhamdulillah, that dream has shifted into reality already but there is much more to do. (If anyone reading this knows of a particular job that is available and can provide me the best of both worlds, please do tell.)
Initially, I did feel a huge sense of guilt for resigning from my last job. However, it was not a capricious act. It no longer provided me the satisfaction I needed for motivation. I had to make a bold leap and put myself in a place where I’d be forced to search for something new. I also knew that as long as I didn’t make time to reflect and seriously consider my options, I would always be hopelessly stuck on the hamster wheel. Not many people have that privilege, I’m aware but I have also been running the show alone for the last six years and am feeling mentally exhausted. Once I find my new niche, I hope to be back in the driver’s seat and ploughing on, inshaAllah.
I must confess, it’s been wonderful to have time to myself again. After many years of self-sacrifice, I’m making myself a priority once more. The niggling sense of guilt may always threaten to overshadow my thoughts but I will fight it. I tell myself this is normal and comes with the territory of motherhood – we women can never disentangle ourselves completely from familial life and its responsibilities. However, the pursuit of new goals is on.
There’s no going back now.
No more apologies.