As I move through my life and so too, my latter years, I have made the decision to review my weekly routine. It was an inevitable decision that I knew I’d need to do one day. The surrender to work of what should have been my leisure time, was becoming more untenable with the passing of time. I realised that I couldn’t sacrifice my weekends any more. I couldn’t sacrifice my time for money. And for sure, I was not going to sacrifice my mental wellbeing for anything else any longer.
Alhamdulillah, this weekend was the last of many long weekends where I have had appointments to keep in terms of tuition. I have finally closed a chapter and look forward to reclaiming time for me. If this comes at a price financially, then so be it. The only calculation I’ve allowed for is the time I want back for me. The freedom I will earn is priceless; there is no monetary value that could be attached to it.
Whilst it would have been wonderful to be earning a much higher salary for the same amount of hours that I put in, in any given week, the reality is that the opportunities to climb the career ladder, have long since passed. In any case, I look forward to winding down and not being wound up. I have never coveted the accumulation of wealth. Rather, a lifestyle which affords me some comforts and the opportunity to travel a bit, is more than enough. Alhamdulillah, I can say that’s exactly what I have achieved and for that I am truly grateful. To have done all that on my own the last few years without any financial input from another person, is a badge I wear with a certain quiet pride. It’s only since my sons have entered employment that I can now take my finger off the pulse and relax somewhat.
As the time gap between my divorce and my present life widens, so too does the sense of acceptance and peace I derive from it. I have proven to myself that I can -and have-managed on my own financially and otherwise. Besides, I have never desired to marry again – the serenity I have discovered since being single is too good to exchange for anything or anyone else again. The only people who will ever have my undivided attention are my offspring.
I am excited for the period that awaits me. Insha’Allah, there will be more time to read books, travel, learn Quran and all the pursuits that I envisage will nourish my soul. Even those goals which involve my physical and mental wellbeing have always been ultimately to feed into my spiritual wellbeing.
Despite the everyday stresses and demands which I encounter, I retire to sleep every night with a genuine certitude that as long as every experience is rooted in gratitude, that in itself will sustain and propel me with a positivity for whatever lies ahead.
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