It might seem like a totally reckless thing to do but I am planning to escape for a short break to Iceland very soon. I am so tired of routine and the relentless pressure of managing money. I am determined to take control of it before it takes control of me. Therefore, although it might seem like I’ve made a frivolous decision to go away, I know it is anything but that.
Going away is a financial cost for sure. However, long after the money has been spent, the memory of that experience is what will linger. Not the memory of the dent in my bank balance. I’m tired of always being cautious and overly cautious. When I know that life can be overturned in the blink of an eye, I’m now going to aim to fit in as much as I can before it’s too late.
My short sojourn in Iceland will be with my niece inshaAllah. Not my own sons. (I am still planning for that trip inshaAllah). But even before I was a mother, I was an aunt and looked forward to spending time with my nieces and nephews whilst they were growing up. My relationship with them was going to be more involved. I vowed I wouldn’t be like the emotionally-distant and uninterested aunts and uncles I had as a child. Those adults had no real connection with us and never shared any crucial milestones of our lives. Perhaps my parents were responsible too for that missed opportunity but I do believe it was a mutually convenient setup. So, just like how I arranged the large group of nieces, nephews and my sons to go on a road trip to the Peak District (twice) in recent years, this time it will be a one-to-one quality trip with my niece. I am honoured she deems me worthy of spending time alone with.
In an ideal world, I’d have my Prince Charming husband to woo me and whisk me off to wonderful places. But the world is not ideal and Prince Charming does not exist. Plus, I don’t want to rely on anyone anyway. I’d much rather call the shots myself. So, inshaAllah, this escape will be the first of more to come. I want to be a person of action and not just empty words which is why when I told myself that I want to do things I had always put on hold, I knew I was fired up to go.
I know a short break will not resolve any of the difficult realities I have to confront when I return home. However, that dull constant has to be punctuated with some sort of relief now and then. So, this isn’t a guilty pleasure. It’s an absolute necessity to rejuvenate my spirits and give me the momentum to carry on. All with Allah’s mercy and help. Nothing I say or do is without that conscious awareness of His ultimate guidance.
What is a life if it’s just about paying bills and worrying about the future and losing the present in the process? My future started a long time ago. Despite the constant internal battle I have between hope and despair, I always strive to let hope win since scoring this victory will determine the rest of my day, my week and beyond. Isn’t it this attitude that has got me through the last few years anyway?
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