Life can occassionally place you in a position where you may be tempted to return to a previous situation be it a job, relationship or something else. Just last week in my blog, I mentioned about the decision to quit my role as Trustee with a small charity I’d been working for. By pure coincidence, the other day I got word that my departure was something lamented by its director and there may be a possibility I would be invited back.
I am determined not to acquiesce.
Some observors may think this is an unfortunate arrogance on my part. However, I have learnt a valuable lesson from life. Keep moving forward. There is no point trying to dredge something which has long since sunk like a lead balloon, to the surface of the water. Let sleeping dogs lie. This is one of those classic situations where you know you try to convince someone else of a terrible decision but they insist on pursuing a blind, irrational goal anyway. So you back out and wait to see the proverbial hit the fan. And it does. Then, the other party realises too late. It is not my job to clean up the mess in the aftermath. I am not sitting here feeling smug or amused; just disappointed.
However, I also feel vindicated. I simply had to wait patiently and let time reveal the truth. And it has. I know I could not return to the previous setup because my trust has already been broken. I am not in the business of asking others to beg me to reconsider something even if they acknowledge they were in the wrong. I’d rather they take heed and know that in future they should move carefully before making rash decisions.
This kind of scenario echoes what so many women experience when being abruptly told by their husbands that divorce is the only way forward. I know the situation above reminded me of the terrible time I had trying to figure out why divorce was a word uttered to me. I tried to ask for reconciliation although it was never made totally apparent what my failings had actually been. As the fog began to clear, both in my reality and my mind, I resolved that I’d never be given a sensible or complete answer for the decision to divorce. But that experience also taught me to never beg and plead for a second change. I would never seek validation from anyone again.
I believe I have stuck to my guns. I no longer seek approval of people. They can choose to accept me or reject me. It’s fine. It’s liberating. It’s an unfettered life.
Alhamduilillah, I don’t think a day goes by without me expressing my gratitude for the life I have now. I am my own person and I get to call the shots. Even when I think of the potentially wonderful things that come with being married, none of them are enough to entice me to seek another chance at that life again. The freedom I have gained far outweighs anything else.
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