It’s been wonderful to have had the last two weeks not tied to any appointments or fixed schedule. To know that I could dedicate complete days to my own whims and tasks, was something I was looking forward to before that time off had even started. Now that I am at the other end and am due back to work tomorrow, I feel a little sense of sadness that these easy days are no more. That was something I knew was going to catch up with me for sure.
Yet knowing time such as this is limited, is what makes it all the more enjoyable. I managed to accomplish tasks I had been waiting to complete with an uninterrupted intrusion. I also managed to enjoy taking time out to do nothing of major consequence. The combination of the two scenarios allowed me to relish in the escape from my normal routine.
Could I live like this on a long-term basis? I don’t think so.
Knowing myself, I would get bored too soon. Without any goals in sight, especially those which allow for self-development, my life would become aimless and I would eventually find something to fulminate about. To be honest, even in these past two weeks, whilst I’d taken a slower pace, my mind seemed to have been racing faster – as if the gap in events had allowed me the chance to finally switch the back-burner plans towards the front and give them serious consideration.
Over time, I’ve watched multiple videos or snippets of ordinary people who’ve bounced back from some form of tragedy in their latter years and are living their best life yet whether it be getting fitter at the gym, starting a business, travelling the world or some other delayed venture. Most of them are well into their 50s and have been propelled forward by some kind of major turning point in their lives. All of these people have collectively proven to me that what is left of my life can still count. There isn’t any more time for procrastination. I have been feeling restless for some time now that I need to create the change myself. I know I can’t expect it to happen to me. Nobody is going to knock on my door with a box of opportunities. I need to make change happen!
In my pessimistic mood, I question what I have actually achieved in the last few years. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like much. However, if I were to write a list of accomplishments, I’d say I haven’t done too bad either, Alhamdulillah. I have to remind myself of the circumstances I’ve been operating within and realise that I’ve tried the best within my means. Being a mother has always meant my children came first. And yes, I use the word, ‘came’ in a deliberately past tense. Nowadays, I know to put myself first as nobody else will do that for me. My children are no longer children. They are adults now. So I can finally change priorities,
Although some time away from my normal paid work brought welcome respite, I knew my mind would never be totally at rest as I’m always thinking of the next big project. How can I develop myself spiritually, mentally, intellectually and physically? In this quest for answers, I prefer these days to undertake tasks which have a direct link to any good that I can take with me to the other side. Whilst seeking ephemeral pleasures in this life is not to be frowned upon, they can’t be an absolute priority. Perhaps wisdom teaches me to prioritise deeper soul-enriching pleasures which feed into my spiritual wellbeing. There can be no higher goal than that and is the ultimate pleasure I seek.
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