Although I haven’t yet fully executed some of the plans I have for my future, in recent days and weeks, I feel that I have at least geared my mental state up and am taking tentative, exploratory steps, insha’Allah.
I don’t wish to elaborate on details for fear that none of them will materialise or that I may cast an evil eye on myself. However, being in that positive mindset in and of itself is a sure way to get the ball rolling. The wheels are turning…
Having returned this weekend after staying with a good friend and savouring the time together to share past memories and future plans, I feel revitalised. It was the reaffirmation I needed – to hear myself say out loud what I envisage for myself in time to come and not have someone tell me that I have gone insane.
Whilst many women my age lament on their stagnating marriages or the wish to be married at all, I have left that conversation behind. I have long realised that I have to deal with the cards Allah has put in my hand and not what I don’t have within my grasp. I do see myself living the rest of my days out as a single person. That isn’t a cry for pity. It’s simply a statement of truth. But it isn’t, by the same token, a sorry state of affairs. I have understood the assignment and hope to pass with flying colours, insha’Allah.
I intend to harness my freedom and use it to my advantage. To be honest, I have been doing that already. But I plan to step out of my comfort zone even more and push myself to new limits. Whether this be in terms of work, hobbies or other interests, I will not let my age be a limiting factor. Too often, in their latter years, people feel they should naturally restrict themselves to whatever they have been used to without daring to try something new or different. I am excited to push the bar higher!
I have already ticked some boxes in my own latter years – climbing Snowdon, a charity trip to Bosnia, serving as a Trustee in another charity and visiting projects in Turkey as a result, holidays and day trips with my sons and not least travelling to Shanghai – something I didn’t even dare to dream of doing in my lifetime! Alhamdulillah for all of that and more. However, as much as I have taken from the world, I wish to continue to reciprocate and give back. I understand I am only one person and as such, my contribution to this world may not be huge at all. But insha’Allah, it will be fruitful and productive and spiritually uplifting. My soul shouldn’t die before its time is due to expire. I will continue to search for meaning in this life and embrace what life has to offer me. For me, that can only truly be found by asking myself what my relationship with my Creator is.
This weekend, sitting with my friend and chatting about so much we have in common and feeling understood by the other, is something I will cherish. Smaller components of a larger machine are all vital to reaching a target. Likewise, meetings with individuals are occasions which shape our view of the world and ourselves and help us navigate our own purpose in the grand scheme of things.
Insha’Allah, I hope new fulfilled dreams are on the horizon.
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