The first of many weekends which I have been waiting for with a deep anticipation…
No commitments which involve constant clock watching and having to divide my day into fixed hours. Finally, I can be more fluid with activities in terms of no time restrictions. For observers on the outside, it may seem a trifle thing but, for me, the liberation is real.
As I move on with life, I’ve learnt to reclaim some of my time for me and to slow down. Or, at least, condense some of my activities so that I can truly enjoy free time uninterrupted by the demands of others. For the first time in a long time, I can now distinguish between the days of the week and identify those where I can pursue things I’d otherwise not have been able to do because of work.
And yet I also cherish the work routine I have. It’s not so much the job per se but the discipline it provides. Waking up at a fixed time and having to report somewhere is actually an integral part of human existence. Without it, life becomes almost meaningless and too much free time leads one to squander it. “Killing time” is a phrase or concept totally abhorent when time itself is such a precious gift. Work also provides opportunities to meet and talk to others. It’s the impetus for continued sanity and a role within wider society and not just within my four walls. Being a rather social being, I relish the chance to converse with and learn about and educate others whilst also realising that’s a two-way street. Social interaction is a subtle edification as being amongst others also gives them a chance to meet and talk with a Muslim woman – something which, especially where I live, not everyone would be exposed to. I couldn’t envisage a life without regular and meaningful interaction with a myriad of people. So, whilst the job isn’t anything to write home about, for all the reasons mentioned above, I am grateful for having it all the same.
To bolster that sense of purpose, my other pursuits in life have provided much needed sanity. Where paid work has not been able to meet my desire for a sense of higher purpose – something beyond worldly matters – I have found my appetite for a form of spiritual redemption, satiated in charitable deeds. Not the type of charity which involves dropping money in a collection tin either. It’s the type that requires of me to reach deep within and utilise my talents, time and whatever tools I have at my disposal. I feel this kind of action is the one thing that will enable me to strengthen my link to my Creator.
When I think of charitable deeds of this nature, I feel they can only truly be achieved out in the field and not from the comfort or safety of my own home. To be immersed in a culture or place where I am witness to the difficulties which some of those impoverished people face themselves, is what gives me a sense of fulfilment. It’s not that I derive a sick pleasure from others’ suffering. It’s more that I need to understand it better by being on the ground; to have an emotional attachment where I can learn and be humbled. Without it, the soul cannot be touched and humility will be difficult to be rekindled.
Insha’Allah, my next steps towards this goal are already in motion. I hope to report back soon with an update but not before I know it will actually happen. It’s taken me many years but I finally feel I am in a position in life where the balance of work, leisure time and spirital fulfilment are beginning to come together to create a beautiful tapestry. I know now why the famous adage, “It’s never too late,” rings clearly in my ears.
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