It’s almost ironic that over the last few days, I have been the confidante for someone close who shared with me that she is finally coming to terms with the impasse in her marriage and the need to call it a day. On the other hand, I’ve been dealing with people close to me who are preparing to embark on a new chapter of their lives called marriage. Here I am, sitting in a kind of no man’s land pondering both scenarios and thinking of how I used to live in both camps and now belong to neither. Strange, life.
Whilst I listen to details shared by all these people, I realise that I have subconsciously developed a stance which leaves me unruffled because whatever they are worried about in their imminent futures, will all come to pass. It always does. The dust will settle and everyone will establish a sense of normalcy for themselves. The drama cannot last forever. Whether it’s stress about what to do in a post-divorce realm or how someone is going to work out a formula for a wholesome marriage as they start out on that journey, I have every confidence that people will figure it out. As long as they have the resolve to push on and persevere and trust in Allah’s plan, then that should be enough to give them the self-confidence in their own decisions.
I know because I’ve been there. I’ve lived in both those realms. And I am totally convinced that the salient factor in my survival was my belief in Allah’s plan. This was true when I was setting out on getting married despite everyone else’s advice against that decision. It was also true, ironically, when that marriage ended. Through both scenarios, I knew that as long as I committed to a course of action in which I would not stagnate and sink in a quagmire of depression or helplessness, I would be just fine. And I was, Alhamdulillah.
My own formula to get through sticky situations now, however big or small, is to remind myself that these are just the bumps and scrapes I have to endure on the path towards understanding Allah. Life was never meant to be smooth sailing. Failure isn’t measured by divorce, losing a job or not having the perfect material possessions. Failure should be measured by the inability to see that the architect of life’s plans is Allah and the skirmishes we encounter are His way of reminding us who is in charge and where we need to put our trust. For sure, trust in its truest form should never be placed in people. They will disappoint.
So, returning to those around me who are going through life’s tribulations, I will always maintain that if they make a decision with the right niyyah (intention), then all will fall into place beautifully. There is nothing more they can do anyway. Just start as you mean to go on. We delude ourselves into thinking we have control. Ultimately, we don’t. Nothing in life is guaranteed. We need to execute our plan, strive for the best and leave the rest to Allah. He knows us better than we know ourselves. I can testify to that having learnt so much about myself these past few years. It’s one of the wonderful things about ageing – it places a tranquility in our hearts. A form of acceptance but not one which is synonymous with defeat. Instead, it’s a quiet understanding where we know what battles can be fought and won. Or lost.
Perhaps the most important lesson has been that the one relationship I need to consistently work on is where it is just me and Him.
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