mymotherhalf.com

A Year On from Snowdon

7 August 2021.

An unforgettable day in my life. I accomplished something I had never even dreamt of doing…climbing Mount Snowdon.

Exactly one year on and in my mind, I have often returned to that moment when I was descending the mountain with my troupe and suddenly realised the enormity of what I had just achieved! It wasn’t about climbing the mountain per se. The experience was a harbinger of change for my life. I have now made it a point to never be still in terms of wanting to explore what more I can do. I won’t pretend and say I have since achieved countless more things which are out of the ordinary. I haven’t. Yet, the more important thing is to keep moving.

I love life and yet I know that its adornments must not take over and consume me. Whenever I have made a decision to explore something new, be it switching jobs or my other interests, I try to frame them all within the Islamic perspective. That attitude gives me the best of both worlds. I am reminded not to be too absorbed in the duniya (material world) and yet I don’t feel unrealistically detached from it. I would never aspire to live like an ascetic in a hermetically sealed room anyway; I would never fool myself into thinking that kind of life is sufficient for me. It isn’t. If being on my own has taught me anything, it is that I need to seek opportunities out there. I am restless. I want adventure. I want self-development. InshaAllah.

I also don’t delude myself into thinking I can change the world. Indeed, that is impossible for any one individual. However, I can change myself. In the process, I hope to inspire others that they too can move forward and stake their claim in this world. For some, making that journey will be more arduous than others. That’s because society itself will put up barriers which might not be so easily surmountable, e.g. racism or religious antagonism. But sometimes, we are our own worst enemies and convince ourselves that “We can’t” or “We shouldn’t”. That internal battle is perhaps the hardest one of all. Yet so many great people in history have galvanised change by believing in themselves first; it requires absolute conviction. Without that instrinsic prerequisite, nothing can ever be achieved and sustained. With that self-determination, individuals have positively influenced others and created entire movements. It is contagious.

I say all this today because I have learnt to incorporate this principle in my own life ever since I came down from Snowdon. Alhamdulillah, there has been progress and when I look back at all the metaphoric stepping stones I have crossed in this past year, I see that I have walked a long path. I have deliberately kept concrete examples of this to myself for fear of ruining it all by openly mentioning it to others. However, suffice to say, my zest for life is real and this stems from a deep belief that I was sent to this world not to serve my own selfish interests and desires. I’m sure, for those who have every material thing imaginable in their life, they would testify that all of those things do nothing to bring out true happiness. Quite the opposite, in fact. Being at peace comes from giving back rather than taking.

In conversations with my young adult sons, I always request that their own paths through life, be it academic, career and spiritual, will always see that they are giving back to humanity. This is the surest way to show gratitude to Allah for the privilege of having the ability to do so in the first place.

Wise Counsel

With a title like that, one would be forgiven for thinking of a few examples of people who would fall into that esteemed category: mother, father, grandparents, teachers, religious figures and perhaps older people generally.

However, I want to challenge that preconception and argue that wise counsel might also be found in the places we would least expect. In my own experience, I have found it in my own ‘children’. I use that word loosely since my children are anything but juvenile and have now entered in adulthood, Alhamdulillah.

Before I continue any further, in my post today, I want to address all the independent mothers out there who are going it alone. This post is specifically for you…

In the time where they have matured and developed emotionally, I have found myself often turning to my children for their opinions and even advice. Readers might find that for me, as a mother, it’s somewhat bizarre that I would need to consult the very people I gave birth to and who are therefore less experienced in life than myself. A very dangerous position to put myself in perhaps?

There is no denying that whilst the children are young (before they reach their teen years), there might be little scope for them to have their opinions taken seriously. This is especially with regards to the big decisions in life such as: What school should they attend? What friends are the most suitable for them? Where to go for the summer holidays? No rational adult would find themselves sitting across the table having these kind of conversations with a 10 year old and being dictated to!

However, for all those mothers out there who are going it alone, they know too well that they don’t have the luxury of turning to their spouse for support or consultation on matters to do with the family and children. For years, women like myself, have had to rely on their own instincts and judgement to make crucial decisions. Many times we have either overthought our decisions or secretly harboured doubts but know we have to plough on. It’s a mentally exhausting position to be in but what choice is there? We are forced to continue our lives and learn to develop even a smidgen of confidence.

Then, as the children grow up and emerge into adulthood, so too the onerous task of making decisions alone, is lifted from a mother’s shoulders to some extent. Finally, it seems, we can actually have sensible conversations with our young adult children and learn to listen to them. Their encounters in and experiences of the world can’t be written off as irrelevant. Leaning on our children who are now adults clearly isn’t an overnight process and can’t happen without having laid some basic foundations. So, what are they? My belief is that turning to one’s children for counsel can only happen if, over the years, a relationship of mutual respect has been forged between everyone involved. Being a strong mother – or at least aiming to be one – is a trait that can filter down to one’s children. They in turn learn to have the confidence to stand tall and strong; they know they can also make decisions pertaining to their own lives if not others around them.

Given I’ve not had their father to rely on for advice or moral support, I’ve had to learn to be bold in making my own decisions. I don’t suggest for a minute that all those decision have been the right ones. But I do know that I have made them in good faith and my children have been witness to that conviction and audacity. I also take responsibility for any decision that has turned out to be less favourable than I imagined. Being a mother of boys in particular, I feel it’s even more important that they witness strength and determination in me. InshaAllah, this will feed into their own perception of what Woman can do.

So, today my wise counsel are my sons, Alhamdulillah. Not in every matter but for sure, in some key decisions relating to our family. For years, I have nurtured their interest in the wellbeing of everyone in the family; they know that being selfish and detached simply won’t do. I have often called them together in family meetings not only to hear their views but to implicitly let them know that their views matter. To deny them a voice is to deny their role as a key player in this family. Ultimately, they know that I am interested in what they have to say even if I may beg to differ.

Alhamdulillah, each of us rooting our thoughts within the teachings of the Quran and the Seerah (the life of the Prophet ﷺ) to the best of our abilitiy, is an absolutely fundamental part in creating wise counsel. Every action or inaction we choose has to have Islam as it’s reference and justification.

The Lighthouse

Recently, a good friend of mine generously described me as ‘The Lighthouse’. I was genuinely touched by the accolade. My goal in life is not to fish for compliments but my goal in life is to be in the service of others. I don’t mean in the form of a sycophantic deference to another human being. I simply wish that with whatever time I have been endowed with by Allah, and the blessings He has put in my way, that I use those tools at my disposal for the greater good inshaAllah.

I don’t wish for someone to remember me in a eulogy at the pulpit. InshaAllah, like many others, I want my recognition from Allah when and where it matters most – the other side of this life. That being said, if I can bring a smile to someone’s face, prevent a person from slipping into a dark black hole or just metaphorically hold their hand through their strife, then I hope they will recompense me with duas (supplications) that will allow me to reach a place infinitely better than any spot in this duniya (world).

I know just talking about all this makes me run the risk of displaying a fake humility. However, I know that ever since I was a child, I have always felt the proclivity of helping someone in need as my calling in life. That is why trying to find an inroad into the charity sector has been a dream I have never let go of. Even through my married years, whilst raising a young family, I never totally surrendered those aspirations that were beyond the existence I was living then. I was just biding my time. Looking back on my life, I see that I have actually been fortunate to have had roles in the charity sector albeit working from behind a desk rather than being out there in the field. InshaAllah, that’s about to change. I am hopeful that my lifelong aspiration of being in the recipient country is something I am going to experience for myself.

Even now as a tutor to young children, I have never viewed my role as simply one of educator. Although my students don’t know it, I secretly hope that, many times over, they achieve that light bulb moment where everything suddenly makes sense and falls into place. I imagine a jumbled jigsaw in their minds where all the pieces are thrown upwards and miraculously land only to come together in perfect cohesion. It’s not only about my students understanding the task to hand; my mission goes much deeper than that. I wish for every child I work with to walk away knowing that no problem is insurmountable; that the only obstacle is their own imagination. To me, it’s important that people, young or old, are never sold the lie that they can’t do something without having even tried. Of course, there will be some situations which no human can defy. However, taking calculated risks is important. Living life in safe contentment is never going to produce great things for anyone.

So, although this lighthouse wishes to guide passing ships on their way to safety, it also wants those ships to know that no encounter is fortuitous. A lighthouse is only as useful as the ships it serves and, as such, it is those ships that justify the existence of the lighthouse in the first place.

Positive With Covid

Last week, I ended on the note saying, “Alhamdulillah“.

Today, I return and again I start with where I ended. Alhamdulillah.

I am in the throes of Covid along with my sons. We have all finally succumbed to this stubborn viral infection and none of us have escaped it this time.

So why the gratitude? Why praise Allah?

There are many reasons. Firstly, the fact that we are inshaAllah already in the recovery stage only a few days in, is a huge blessing in itself. When I recall how, just two years ago, this disease gripped the world and paralysed normal life and everything we once called ‘Normal’, it’s humbling to know that my sons and I came through that period unscathed – at least physically if not anything else. This time round, the new strain of the virus is less virulent and so we have only been slightly inconvenienced by it. The panic and stress we saw so many others endure is something we haven’t had to face, Alhamdulillah.

**1000 pieces in a 1000 precious mini-moments**

Then there is the timing of it all. My sons are home for the summer, in my presence and we at least have fallen victim to this virus together at the same time. Better to get it over and done with. With everyone having tested positive, we don’t even need to isolate at home; in a bizarre way, life has just continued on almost as normal. Of course, there will be the usual cleaning and fumigation en masse that will need to happen once we emerge virus-free at the other end, inshaAllah. So, as such it was with great pleasure that I sat with my sons over the last couple of days and completed a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle. I had never found the right opportunity to do the jigsaw till now. But with Covid, my mind hasn’t been able to settle on reading or anything strenuous. A jigsaw was the perfect pastime! No doubt, every piece is now Covid-infected but the time it provided to sit and chat whilst putting it together, is something I am grateful for. It’s the small things in life that give so much pleasure…

Being stuck at home, without the opportunity to venture outdoors, has actually provided cherished moments to just reflect, sit and talk. The virus has knocked the wind out of our sails; we have all felt quite enervated physically and mentally and lack energy to do anything but the absolute bare minimum. Yet, the silver lining through this is that we have found more time to detach from our regular worldly distractions and just be in one another’s company. How Allah works in mysterious ways!

Funny how we think we have plans and then these are immediately scuppered by Allah’s Master Plan. I had no idea that this week’s blog would see me writing about my brush with Covid! Yet here I am and Alhamdulillah, I have been fortunate that it wasn’t worse. Any encounter with an illness is in itself an opportunity to take stock on life and yet again be reminded of the multitude of things we have to be grateful for. When the washing of a few dishes takes the breath out of me, that’s when I realise how much I have been blessed with every minute of every day of my life, Alhamdulillah.

So, having challenging episodes with health is a way of purging my own soul; it isn’t just an inconvenience supplanted onto my material existence. There is a higher purpose and if I fail to see that, then going through Covid will be nothing more than a reason to feel restless and frustrated. I’d like to think I’m not that myopic, inshaAllah.

The truth is, we are all holding onto life by a thread. Covid or no Covid. We delude ourselves into thinking that when our health is good, we have ample time to tarry on this Earth. That is the biggest fallacy ever. There is no rhyme or reason to how long or short a person’s life is. At this stage of my life, the appreciation of time is a deep one. Who I spend it with, what I do with it, when I do something etc. … These are questions that take on a whole different meaning when you know that the best part of your life is done.

Presenting my thoughts out loud here might seem a deeply personal thing to do – and it is. However, too many wasted opportunities have passed by with people being overly-conscious about the consequences. Valuable lessons have been lost in the wisdom they could have shared. When I am long gone, it is my legacy that I hope lives on and not the individual memory of my own life. It has got to be much bigger than that alone.

Summer Vibes

**Time for Nature to Nurture Our Way to Contentment**

The academic year is almost over and it couldn’t come soon enough.

I am feeling pretty exhausted. Although many people have plans to escape for the summer, I haven’t made any plans as such. The economic drudgery continues despite the balmy weather and that is a stark reality not many of us can pretend is not here.

Having said that, I am very grateful to have my sons back home together, Alhamdulillah. One son is still away but inshaAllah we will soon all be finally reunited for a few weeks. For me, that would be a reward in itself. It seems such a long time since we were all under one roof! I don’t know what the future holds – who will be where, doing what and when – so I always treasure the time that we have together as a family.

I do hope to travel in the summer still. Even if it’s just a road trip and one night away from home. As a family, I believe the change of scene will do us an immense amount of good. We have all had a stressful year in different ways and need to recharge. Some people would argue that a holiday does nothing but cause more financial stress; that often we return to yet more housework as the cost of going away. Whilst that may be true to some extent, the experience of seeing something new and being able to completely unwind, is something that can’t be measured in monetary terms. The mental benefits far outweigh anything else. And being able to recharge can’t ever be achieved fully from seeing the same daily vista that we are used to at home.

Since I was very young, I always dreamt of being able to escape for a few days to a beach setting. No people. No phones. No distractions. Just the lure of the infinite cerulean sky mirrored in a pristine sea. This image epitomises an example of perfection in Allah’s creation. To be able to reconnect to nature and the Creator in this setting is just an awesome thought. Whilst I may not be able to do it on this occasion, this summer, I still aspire to fulfilling that dream.

For now, I am content just to have moments to sit with my boys and talk about anything and everything. That’s another priceless gift and Alhamdulillah, it can happen right here and now and doesn’t require a fancy hotel or foreign currency. I take immense pleasure just listening to them vocalising their personal ambitions and I know they are also enthusiastic about mine. It is a trait that I have carefully cultivated in them – the need to be aware of the importance of family and others around them. Just because I am older does not mean that my aspirations have diminished. I want each of us to be interested in the other.

As I close this blog today, not knowing what the rest of the summer may or may not bring, for now, yet again I can find many more excuses for saying “Alhamdulillah“.

Published Article: Lessons from a Modern-Day Urban Nomad

@ themuslimvibe.com (4th July 2022)

Lessons From A Modern-Day Urban Nomad

Boomerang Kids

Last week, my son returned home after his time away at university for three years. I can’t quite believe it’s been that long! It’s good to have him back even though we know the time we have together like this is borrowed time.

Whilst I relish the fact that he is back home, I also am mindful that as my sons mature and venture off into the world, whether it be for studies or work, the dynamics of our household have permanently changed. This is quite a poignant fact for me as I know life will never be the same again. I can no longer expect to have everyone under one roof for any significant length of time. The young men who are my sons are now at the cusp of adventure, poised for all the exciting things life has to offer, inshaAllah.

***Ready to Take On the Wor*****ld Outside**

To be honest, our household dynamics changed long before my sons went away to university; life changed when I became head of this family. That was a hugely significant shift. But as the boys left one by one, I became acutely aware that I was entering another irreversible phase of life yet again. I knew that although they might return under my roof, it’s most likely a temporary stop as they would need to find a job wherever it may be. I can’t expect that they will find one close to home. As much as I would love to keep them close, for the sake of protecting them and having their company, I know that would be stultifying for them in every sense. Wrapping my sons in cotton wool would be doing them a great disservice in life as they will be ill-prepared for the world beyond their front door.

So, whilst I lament the passing of days when I could be sure to have my sons around me, I also look with eager anticipation of what their next steps will be. Whatever they embark upon, I hope I am witness to some great achievements in their lives still, inshaAllah.

And here’s the thing… It’s not just about them. My time to reclaim my life for myself is also here. I refuse to watch the world go by whilst I sit and do nothing. Even at this late stage of my life, I have my own goals which I aspire to achieve still. As I always say, I have given the best years of my life to others and I have no hesitation in putting myself first for a change. Whilst the responsibilities of Mother will never disappear, their dependence on me for everyday things has definitely dwindled – as it should. The best analogy I can think of is like the person who plants a seed, nurtures it to grow into a sapling and then mature into a fully-fledged tree. At that point, there may be the occasional pruning to do but the tree is pretty much on its own. That’s my take on motherhood.

I am not exhausted with my role as Mother. However, other aspects of my being have to now come into the forefront. So, whilst I may miss the days when I could gurantee my children and I would reconvene at the dinner table after a day’s commitments to the world outside, I equally look forward to each of us spreading our wings and discovering more about ourselves as much as what the world has to offer. I want each of us to leave through that front door and go explore!

***Reconvening for Cosy Conversations***

I am as much poised for adventure as my sons are. As I always say…

“There is no present like Time!”

In My Child’s Eyes

The world I live in today is not the same one my children live in. How is that even possible? I would argue it’s all about perspective.

My reasoning is this: I see the world sometimes from my desk at home where I work; I see the world sometimes from my kitchen window when I’m washing the dishes; I see the world from the driver’s seat of my car.

Young people might see the world though from the seat they occupy on a bus; from the classroom table set amongst many other tables at school; from the flurry of social media sites which aggressively bombard them with so much unnecessary information in this crazy, fast-pace and selfish global community.

What I have come to know is that my children are dealing with a very different existence to my own. We may live in the same time frame but we live in parallel worlds. I am fortunate enough not to be directly exposed to elements of society which are less understanding of the differences that exist between people and the fact that humanity is not one homogenous block. Admittedly, my lifestyle is more sheltered these days and it has protected me from encounters I’d rather not have. My kids – less so. They are still very much obliged to engage with people around them in a more direct manner.

Alhamdulillah, I believe I have raised my sons to be confident of who they are. The obligation to explain to others why they subscribe to certain belief systems is one they know they never need to worry about. That being said, when living and interacting as a minority member in a wider social group or community, that self-confidence can sometimes wane. It’s not that they have doubts about why they believe in the things they do, but it’s exhausting to simply exist whilst having fingers being pointed at you all the time. I am very deliberate in saying that my sons know they don’t need to ‘prove’ or ‘explain’ themselves to anyone. That’s because they – and I – know their beliefs are rooted in Islamic teachings, Alhamdulillah. There is nothing to justify about that.

All the above makes it seem that I have raised my sons to be an arrogant bunch. Yet nothing could be further from the truth. That’s because when a person has lived a life as a minority member in a wider society (such as we have), be it in terms of religion, race, ethnicity or culture, arrogance is a characteristic which is knocked on the head right from the start. Rather, I have taught my sons that humanity is made of composite parts. It’s about being respectful of others, even through our disagreements with them. This makes for a truly functioning society. I just wish the rest of society would reciprocate that understanding. But I know that’s a lofty ideal.

Today, watching my sons contend with so many unprecedented scenarios in their social settings, I don’t envy the world they occupy. At their age, I was dealing mainly with racism in the public domain and cultural hangups in the personal domain. Young people now are having to deal with that and so much more. There is a torrent of issues they face from Islamophobia, gender issues, sexuality and the list goes on. It’s not that those issues didn’t exist when I was young. They did. However, the political stage nowadays where all these things are played out is much more potent.

It’s at these times that I can’t even pretend that being a mother gives me the tools to help my sons navigate their way through this battlefield. My experiences will never mirror theirs. The world I grew up in is not the same one they live in. I can only promise to be here, if Allah wills, should my sons need to offload. I can reassure them that all the abrasive encounters they have had and will have, should only make their resolve in turning to Allah for guidance, comfort and answers, stronger. My job is to point them in that direction, inshaAllah. Somewhere on that shared path, they will probably find me up ahead having had a head start.

Life is Greater than the Sum of its Parts

***Turning Traditional Logic on its Head***

Every individual goes through challenges in life. That’s a given. We all oscillate between the usual highs and lows, moments of glee and then stress and so much in between. Nobody can claim to have had a life of purely one state or the other.

In particular, if anyone does boldly (and erroneously) suggest their life has been only doom and gloom, then I can only say that person has not known gratitude. Because in between all the woe and misery, there is indeed some happiness to be found. The fact that someone is even alive and breathing is something to be grateful for in and of itself. But to train oneself to shift the focus from the negative to the positive is a process which takes time and a certain kind of maturity. My own theory is that the process will be infinitely more difficult if Allah is not in the equation. Without acknowledging His mastery and perfect wisdom, everything in life will continue to perplex us. That’s because we can’t look to humans alone to provide logic or reason for events that take place.

Instead, turning to Allah will invariably put our hearts and minds at ease. That’s because thinking of Him will necessarily remind us of our purpose on this Earth anyway. It is a recalibration of our thoughts – and that is a process that needs to happen often since we are a forgetful and fickle type. Worries about money, health, jobs, children, wounded hearts etc. will evaporate in minutes if we trust in Allah’s plan. A sense of calm should – and often does – descend over us. It is at this point when we realise that all events are out of our hands anyway. So, rather than question,’Why?‘ it would be wiser to simply accept some situations are beyond our control and comprehension. We just need to deal with them as best we can.

Back to today, like so many people, I am bombarded by the sobering news about rising prices on practically everything. Financial stress is there, no doubt, but I must consciously try to zoom out and look at the entirety of my life right now. I have to force myself to take a step back and remember what things I still have to be grateful for. And there are many. I can confidently say that I am still blessed with so much – things I am aware of and things I am not. I must reiterate to myself that life is not defined just by rising petrol prices. I must balance negative thoughts with the positive things I still have. For example, I have my sons who are alive and well, Alhamdulillah. I have my own relatively good health, Alhamdulillah. I get to see the sunrise and sunset and the world in all its glorious colours, Alhamdulillah. And the list goes on…

So it is the same with our past. Whilst unpleasant events that have occurred in our own personal lives will definitely impact our future, we can either let these events consume us or use them to our benefit. From those experiences, there must be growth. To simply lament, complain and stagnate will not do. There is a higher purpose on this Earth. Let’s face it; it’s clear we were never going to have a life devoid of trials and tribulations. Mistakes and tests are what we build upon in order to navigate our way forward through time.

It is this mindset that sustains me in my darkest days. Every time I slump to the bottom of the pit, I ask myself, “Is this it? Is this the best I can do with my life? What happened to my fighting spirit?” Judging an event only in duniya (worldly) terms will make me unequivocally hopeless and bitter.

Needless to say, I know the totality of individual chapters or events in my life have all come together to prepare me for my passage into the next life. I didn’t get myself an education simply to confine myself within my four walls. I was not gifted the chance to be a mother just so my children would occupy my time. And I definitely haven’t given up on life after divorce because I am still able to see the wood for the trees.

The world still has so much to offer and I intend to take the opportunities where they present themselves. The only thing I try to remind myself is that those opportunities must feed into a higher ambition – to secure Allah’s pleasure. They must never be for ephemeral pleasures only. With that said, it’s also true that the things which slipped from my grasp were also no longer able to serve me for the life beyond this one. If I understand that and keep that thought alive, I am onto something far greater than I care to imagine, inshaAllah.

Musings on Motherhood

When a woman enters the arena of motherhood, she knows that that role will never be a static one. Over the years, as her children move from one stage of life to the next, so too does the role of motherhood also evolve. Each phase brings its own challenges but undeniable joy at the same time.

Today, I look back over the last few years and want to reflect on what I have learnt about myself and my own children.

One of the most obvious things is that I know I can’t deal with my sons with one blanket formula for each situation that presents itself. They are individuals in their own right and being brothers does not mean a ‘one size fits all’ approach will suffice. So I try to be conscious of how I word answers to their questions or handle issues, taking into account their unique idiosyncracies. Of course, I do make mistakes. All the time. But motherhood is a learning curve – one that never reaches a plateau since that would suggest that I know it all and have nothing new to take on board.

Another thing I often ponder on is how motherhood essentially gets more challenging the older children get. On the one hand this seems pretty obvious. On the other hand, it would seem unlikely since as children get older, so too their dependency on mother should become more tenuous; as they mature and reach adulthood it can be argued that they should rely on their own thought processes more. Whilst that may be true in terms of academic guidance or financial decisions, the reality is that as they venture out into the world and interact with all the variables out there, so too they must be equipped with the necessary emotional armour. This is where the wisdom of a mother comes in. With my personal experience and anecdotal evidence, I can help my sons navigate their way through life. Ultimately though, what they decide is their decision alone. At some point, as a parent I have to step back and let them be. As long as I have carried out my duty, then I have to trust Allah will guide them to all that is good.

No doubt, the challenges shift as the children become older. Yet the rewards are simultaneously also greater. As toddlers there were the usual cute milestones to celebrate, like their first steps, first spoken words or first drawings. As adults, there are now other exciting chapters of their lives I can celebrate with them, Alhamdulillah. Examples are them getting their driving license, going to university and generally mapping out their lives for themselves. The greatest difference is that my role nowadays has become more passive – that of a listener and someone with whom they can share their excitement about what lies ahead. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t speak up if I disagree or need to keep them in check but if I have done my homework right, then inshaAllah, there should not be any cause for concern. Needless to say, I will always strive to remind them that they don’t deviate from a wholesome existence where duniya (the worldly life) overtakes the pursuit of akhirah (the afterlife). This last goal is a constant that stays with the role of motherood for life.

Arguably, the most palpable thing I have learnt about being a mother since divorce is that, when push comes to shove, I have still managed to get the job done without the other parent. The female embodies a type of strength which many males can only marvel at. Alhamdulillah, I have been blessed with the emotional, physical, intellectual and financial ability to make it through each day. Despite the challenges, my sons lives and my life intertwine effortlessly together without ending up in an awkward knot. By far, it has been the unexpectedly best outcome of our family situation since 2016. Although I never wished it to be like this, I have had to accept the reality and do my best to make it work. Despite setbacks and blips, Alhamdulillah, for the most part I believe we have done well. My faith in Allah is an integral part of that determination to keep going. What choice do I have but to keep moving forward? So I may as well move with vigour and purpose and contentment. This is the sentiment that underlies all I do and all that I am. Although motherhood has taken on a different significance or shape given my circumstances, I embrace the role even moreso now since this is the mount upon which this family now exists. Being unstable simply won’t do.

Motherhood has no expiry date. There will never be a hiatus from this role till it’s my time to leave this life. It is not just a job. It is an honour of untold magnaminity. The fact that I get to sit in the spotlight of parenthood all on my own is nothing to be ashamed of.

In fact, on all scores, I am the more fortunate one, Alhamdulillah.

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