Out of My Comfort Zone

It’s no secret that refusing to try something new is never going to allow us to develop as discerning people. Whether it’s cooking the same curry, driving the known route home or even wearing a limited style of clothes, repeating the same routine is going to limit our experiences of life and even perceptions of the wider world.

With that in mind, I have done the unthinkable and thrown myself in the deep end. I’ve just recently left a job which was no longer inspiring me to give it my all. Some might say this was an irresponsible thing to do. However, I know that without that drastic and bold move, I’d forever live in quiet complacency that life is fine and I don’t need to do anything more. Now, given I no longer have the job to fall back on, I need to get my thinking cap on and move fast. The situation I am in is the precise impetus I need to set my sights on my next goal. Without that buffer, I am now forced to take action.

I have learnt (in the last six years especially), that I cannot and should not reply on anyone else to take responsibility for my life. I am not bitter about that fact. If anything, it’s quite liberating. I am my own person now. I can finally see once intangible and fanciful ideas becoming a sure reality.

In a few weeks time inshaAllah, I am off to another part of the world for a few days. It isn’t for a holiday (although I’d love time out to do nothing and just sit in awe of the sights in front of me). This trip is more momentous than that. It is the culmination of a lifetime’s dream to do something in the name of charity and help make a difference to some people’s lives, inshaAllah. So, there is a very serious purpose of my trip. Yet, the fact that I am even going on such a mission is a miracle in itself. Not only have I waited years for an opportunity such as this to arise, the convoluted way in which it came about is something I never envisaged. But here I am, Alhamdulillah.

I know some traditional minds might frown upon my decision to do this. I’m sure they will question how I could leave my sons behind and pursue something for myself. The thing such people forget is that although I may be thousands of miles away, I will never stop being a mother. That role continues for me however near or far my boys are. They are also very supportive of my goals. My sons have witnessed the sacrifices I have made for them – and still am. They are also of an age where they are independent and can manage the home without me. This is a skill I have nurtured in them not for my own benefit but primarily for their own. Besides, I maintain that I have given the best years of my life to everyone else; I have always put my own aspirations on the back burner. Now it’s my time to step up and step forward…

I feel with this upcoming trip, that I am just warming up. I hope it will be the harbinger of change for many more things for me. I know I needed to push the boat further out into the water to see what is out there. This is what I have done. I knew being moored on the banks was never going to produce greater things for me. Not taking risks is something borne out of fear and fear is something I refuse to let win. I am not a caged hamster on a wheel. I am not a dolphin confined to acrobatic acts in an aquarium. My spirit is free and always has been. I have reached a juncture in my life where I know the only limits on me are the ones I erroneously convince myself I need to work within.

Of course, needless to say (and yet I will say it still), Allah is the One in full control of my life and more. Yet, His control is often viewed as restrictive- as if He is all about shrinking our experience of this duniya (world) rather than expanding it to include more. I now have come to understand that His control is not all about limiting our lives. His control is about His guidance and as long as I live within those Islamic parameters, then I need to squeeze more out of life than just the mundane. I believe Allah has put me on this new trajectory and given me the opportunity to explore new things. He is inviting me to go further, learn more and do more. It would be a form of ingratitude not to take up this offer and let it slip through my fingers.

In the past, I have had to let opportunities go for reasons I don’t regret. Now, I will seek opportunities out for reasons I don’t need to explain.